Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Scameron Does ‘Shameless’ Cameo

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In an effort to prove he’s a man of the people and sell his fatally flawed ‘Big Society’ concept, the Libservative Coalition Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, plans to put in a cameo appearance on next week’s episode of ‘Shameless’ – to emphasise the Cabinet Nudge Squad’s neuro-linguistic programming (brain-washing) ‘sound bite’ mantra of “We’re all in this together” – by flogging copies of the Big Issue around the series’ Manchester Council-owned Slumshawe Hamlets, Spewall Green and Stench Hill sink or swim housing ghettos – and setting up his pitch at the corner of Scally Alley - outside Troublespot Taverns notorious ‘Asbo Arms’ pub.

Posh Dave’s PR guru team are really on the ball with this publicity stunt and had him fitted out with a pair of arse-hanger combat pants, ‘Springheel Jack’ trainers, a maxi-peak baseball cap, a Cashmere snood and a Nike hoodie from his personal gentlemen’s outfitters, Twatborg & Fflitcher, (Bespoke Tailors to the Crown) of Saville Row.

Scameron was spotted by gutter press hacks rooting and mooching at the back of Harrods store in Shitesbridge over the weekend, salvaging a couple of quality cardboard boxes lined with bubble wrap – plus a sheet of polythene to shelter under – and having his Number 10 junior fags load this 'street sleeper' kit into the trunk of his official Prime Ministerial gas-guzzling Jaguar XJ.

Tory Chancellor George Osborne was going to join the self-promoting stunt, but with him perennially resembling a transvestite poofter masticating a gob-full of semen, undecided whether to spit or swallow, he simply looked too ‘public school’ and ‘oickish’ to come across as experiencing a genuine ‘Pauline Conversion' on this make-believe road to a socialist Damascus.

It might be recalled by keen politico-watchers that the thatched-haired Mayor of London, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, attempted a more original version of this stunt to draw awareness and sympathy (yes, sympathy – in the dictionary between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’) towards the Met’s thousands of homeless bag ladies and alkie guttersnipes a couple of years ago by sleeping rough himself around the East End’s ‘Rookieries’ and dossing in a recycling skip behind the Pestco Extra branch on Bilkers Lane – opposite the Salvation Army’s soup kitchen.

Alas Boris’s first night of urban al fresco living went totally tits up after his ‘Bonkers Bendy Bike’ was nicked by a gang of scrotes and he joined in a Meths Breezers and Wicked Shite Lightning tasting session at the local Underdog Club and awoke the next morning when his ‘four-poster’ commercial recycling skip was up-ended at Cringle Dock in Battersea, and he got tipped out, sat amongst acres of landfill garbage, being alternately pecked or shit on by flocks of insolent seagulls.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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