Tuesday, 8 March 2011

22 Special Air Service 0 - Libyan Rebel Rabble 1

Refuting the hail of denials from Willy Vague, the UK’s Foreign Secretary, and Liam Pox, the Tory MP for Woodworm (who is currently playing the part of the UK’s Minister of Defence in the Libservative Coalition’s “Let’s Invade Libya” pantomime) that any such incident ever occurred, the Libyan rebel militia commander of the Benghazi area, Sergeant Tommo Tuareg, yesterday confirmed for gutter press hacks from the foreign media that two MI6 agents (0013 and 0013b) plus a six-man squad of British ‘special forces’ troops(NVQ3 Sabotage & Assassinations Unit) had been captured over the weekend.

The eight-man team, attempting to execute a covert infiltration mission code-named ‘Operation Sore Thumb’ just prior to dawn and deliver a letter from Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron to some Bolshie Berber politico-radical leader called Mohammed who apparently lives at 25, One-Eyed Cat Street in Benghazi, were detained by a group of apprentice Bedouin goatherds after landing their ‘whisper mode’ Chinook helicopter in fields outside the eastern city with all lights blazing – which one of the shepherds described as resembling the landing of the alien spacecraft in ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’.

Disarmed, handcuffed and taken before the rebel militia’s Supreme Council for judgment, the examining magistrate described the mission as “ill conceived, poorly planned and executed with such a degree of amateurism as to be labelled “Humiliating – with a big capital H” – and further commented that he’d seen “better organized riots”.

When threatened with a session of Libyan-style extraordinary rendition, the hapless captives finally admitted they belonged to the much-vaunted 22nd Special Air Service Regiment and were members of the ‘Fubar Unit’ – a ‘do-or-die’ group traditionally staffed by intellectually-challenged self-harmers and career masochists stricken with a martyrdom complex

While no gunfire was exchanged during their discovery and subsequent capture, one SAS trooper apparently suffered a fatal seizure and died of acute embarrassment over the shambolic snafu.

Under the precepts of Sharia Law, the disgraced group forked out a hefty fine for visa violations and carrying unlicensed firearms and were all given a very lenient ‘slap on the wrist’ then put aboard the HMS Cumberland, anchored in Benghazi harbour, branded with the diplomatic stigmata of ‘persona non grata’ – and a stern reprimand of “fuck off and don’t come back”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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