21st Century Bohemian Re-Defined

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Now the New Age fad of describing oneself as a Buddhist or Animist or Pagan Druid – or a worshipper of Zen, or the Gaia Principle – (the Earth Mother and the Tree and the Stone) – or a ‘Seventh Day Vegan’ or a ‘Pancake Tuesday Adventist’ have gone out of fashion like Regency crepe wigs, Rococo ‘white face’ lead-based toxic make up, and lepers with bells shouting “Unclean” - the title ‘Bohemian’ is bandied around for its sound bite quality alike the phrases ‘Post-Diogenes Existentialist’ and ‘Dialectic Materialism’.

Hence ‘Bohemian’ is applied to oddball misfits from dog-wanking sodomite druggies such as the ‘New Romantic’ movement’s androgynous Boy George and bellicose neurotics of Naomi Campbell’s servant-bashing ilk – to the egocentric and irksome U2 spud frontman, Bonehead – and Blondie’s lead singer Debbie Harry, a grungy peroxide bottle blonde punk whose gash stank like a dead fish and caused the band to stay constantly upwind of her while on stage.

But what exactly is a Bohemian today – as we enter the 21st Century, worshipping the Gods of Technology and leaving animism lagging behind? Do dissentient personages such as Trumpton’s Raggy Dan, the Rag and Bone Man - or Dr Who, or Catweazle – or the Auschwitz-reject stick insect super-model Fellattia van der Gamm, aka Miss Anorexia 2010, actually fit the bill?

An amoral, eccentric and rebellious non-conformist - most certainly. One who disdains and spurns the use of cellphones, text messaging and the ubiquitous MP3 players, preferring to seek accord with their inner self by humming and whistling instead - but Bohemianism was, and perhaps still is, about much more than modelling oneself on the 10th Century Wenceslas, King of Bohemia, who might well have looked out on the Feast of Stephen, but never had a bath or wiped his arse throughout his entire life.

Thus society is stuck with this erroneous and prejudicial stereotype concept of Bohemians being a bunch of scruffy pikey and gyppo tear-arses - going round reading palms, selling pegs and sprigs of lucky heather, stealing Christian babies for blood sacrifice and casting evil-eye curses on some poor twat’s cattle.

So, what the fuck is a Bohemian – sans or including its pejorative undertones – whose connotation rapidly became a romantic one? The iconic Oxford English Dictionary defines them as "especially an artist, literary man, or actor, who leads a free, vagabond, or irregular ‘libertine’ life, not being particular as to the society he frequents or who – or what – he copulates with - and despising any and all conventionalities generally – someone who does drink, smokes narcotic herbs and equally enjoys sex with sheep or women.”

From its birth during the Romantic movement in Paris in the 1850’s the ethic spread rapidly. Gyppo clothes became the de rigueur fashion, sparking a style which lives on today through lovers of boho-chic such as the UK’s street dwellers and other homeless alkie scrotes – all still characterising Bohemian ideals of rejecting the bourgeoisie cultural concept of model citizens – walking around with terminal dandruff, the arse hanging out of their pants, dogshit on their shoes, and smelling like the beach at low tide.

Nineteenth and Twentieth Century examples of the Bohemian lifestyle could well include the literary Bloomsbury Set, the Victorian celebrity bumboy Oscar Wilde, and Tsarist Russia’s Mad Monk ‘Rasputin’ – a man who’d fuck a sick chicken if a female of the human species was unavailable.

Perhaps the most infamous self-declared ‘Bohemian’ of recent times was Stephen Ward, the notorious high society homeopath and ‘pimp-meister extraordinaire’ to the rich and shameless members of Lady Astor’s Cliveden Set, who devastated the credibility of the Macmillan Tory government in 1963 by setting up mix n match cluster fuck scenarios with John Profumo, the British Minister for War (before ‘political correctness’ dictated they change the name to Minister of Defence as being less belligerent) and super-whore Christine Keeler - all in bed together with the Russian Embassy’s Naval Attaché cum KGB agent Igor Fuckupsky.

While the hapless Ward was described – prior to his assisted suicide - by the national daily broadsheets at that time as a Bohemian – the gutter press’s red top tabloids preferred to refer to him as a ‘cunt’.

Regardless, the Bohemian of today remains culturally aloof and an outsider, who gladly define themselves as an outsider - and too is defined by the world as an outsider.

However, Laren Stover, the split-arsed American author of the fatally-flawed ‘Bohemian Manifesto: A Field Guide to Living on the Edge’, has attempted, through applications of her severely limited intellect, to identify five archetypes: nouveau, gypsy, beat, zen and dandy – which unfortunately hampers, if not stifles, the use of the true and expansive lexicon available to evoke visualising the colourful concepts of what the Bohemian mindset and lifestyle actually are.

While polite society still regards them as a bunch immature losers, the Big Brother state fears their free-thinking and original spirit of revolt – labelling them elitist and anarchistic subversives – and one step away from converting to Islam and becoming domestic terrorists. Hmmm, such is the perennial price of being ‘different’.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.