Thursday, 30 July 2009

UK ‘Shameless’ Gits Headed for ‘Sin Bins’

Tens of thousands of the worst families in England are to be put in "sin bins" (concentration camps) to improve their behaviour, under yet another of New Labour’s Big Brother Nanny State numpty government schemes.

Under the government plan members of sociopath "Shameless" families are to be given intensive 24/7 supervision by ex-Abu Grahib prison guards to make sure children wipe their arses – and not on the bathroom curtains – that they attend school, go to bed on time and eat proper meals.

Parents are also given help (waterboarding) to stop them leading dysfunctional lives by lying on a couch all day watching retro episodes of Slobs on the Crap Channel, and to combat drug or alcohol addiction – and perhaps eventually find a job – helping the Easter Bunny or preaching the gospel for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The government’s current social control plans encompass staying their hand until the Sneezy Pig swine flu pandemic has finished ravaging the UK population this autumn when all surviving social workers will be trained and upgraded to a para-military classification and equipped with side arms and tasers – then unleashed with a vengeance to re-educate erring Asbo-type psychopath families to comply with the fundamental laws of polite society.

Around 2,000 basket case clans have gone through Family Intervention Projects, but ministers intend to increase its scope to 20,000 more in the next two years – each costing the bankrupt taxpayer anywhere between £5,000 and £20,000.

Ministers hope expanding the scheme will reduce the number of Asbo-tagged yobs who get their names in a local authority’s ‘Naughty Book’ become drawn into lives of crime because of their chaotic family conditions and shit-for-brains parents.

The projects are operating in around half of all Sink or Swim council estates across the country but Children's Secretary Ed Bollocks cllaims that under EU-mandated politically-correct rules then every family in the country – especially so dysfunctional aristocrats and Royals - should be scrutinised through the auspices of the programme.

Conversely the Tory party claim the scheme has been a failure since Day One, with the Shadow Minister For Sorting Shit Out, Hector McTwat, informing reporters “These little pricks should be brought up in an incubator until they’re 16 then put straight out to work.”
“If the parents are total basket cases and been swimming at the shallow end of the gene pool for too long, then strangle the scum at birth and solve the problem totally.”

Conversely 16-year old Vinnie Scrunt, currently confined to a rehab centre for his chronic kleptomania and rhubarb addiction, told a reporter from the Yobs Gazette : “’ow der fuck woz we expected ter grow up like Little Lord Fauntleroy – all Goodie Two-Shoes an’ that kinda shite when our Mum woz too effin’ busy doin’ ‘er fuckin’ O-Level exams ter look after the three of us – an’ all me Gran did woz take us ter the pub an’ Bingo every afternoon.”

Vinnie confided to the media that while he never attended school personally he often played with the kids that did – which accounted for his acquired basic standards of literacy and numeracy when applying for DSS welfare benefits or bail at the local police station.

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