Saturday, 18 July 2009

Masonic Lodge Raided for Witchcraft

A group of dodgy Freemason types were arrested and jailed in Fiji after superstitious local villagers complained to police the group were malevolent kiddie-snatching and Satanists practising witchcraft.

The thirteen men, comprising a traditional Mason’s Dozen, included eight very iffy Australian transvestites, four New Zealand Maori half-caste sheep shaggers and some French- Tahitian twat dressed in suspenders and a corset going by the name of Pierre.

The group, who had convened a full moon mid-night meeting on Denerau Island, told reporters they had spent a "wretched" time in jail, with two of their number falling foul of the infamous Suva Sodomites prison gang and blamed their arrests on ‘stupid shit-for-brains village people".

The arresting officers seized a variety of ritual paraphernalia including butt plugs, dildoes, magic wands, trowels, set squares, sexy lace aprons, fairy dust, bondage devices and a monkey’s skull from the Masonic lodge.
Both still and movie cameras were also seized, the film contents of which will be shortly made available on YouTube and the ever-popular Dirty Digger Deviants website.

One Australian, believed to be a Queensland Member of Parliament, who would only identify himself as ‘Louise’, told the Headhunters Gazette that Tuesday night's meeting was "interrupted by a hammering on the door by the police, and then being confronted with a mob of unwashed village gollies waving crucifixes and demanding we stopped cursing their breadfruit crops."

Louise further maintained there was nothing funny going on and no ritual murders or sacrifices of local children were scheduled before Halloween.

Police director of operations Inspector Whatsit Rhubarbpie told Numpty FM News in Suva that the group was being investigated for "allegedly practicing sorcery" and there had been lots of funny going’s on like strange handshakes – including men dressing as women and sticking unnatural things up each other’s back passages.

Freemasonry is a centuries-old secret society club for silly boyish types who enjoy dressing up in pinafores and so on - that was originally formed by the poofy bricklayer’s union who built King Solomon’s temple in Jerusalem (Palestine) - all of whom still practice arcane rituals, and boast more than five million dodgy members worldwide.

Emergency regulations imposed by Fiji's military regime allow police to detain common criminals or suspected terrorist types for up to 48 hours without charge – with those accused of practicing witchcraft and sorcery liable to be held incommunicado until their trial – after which they would be summarily burned at the stake.

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