Millipede Promises Green Jobs For All

One of Britain’s biggest employers in the green energy industry is to cease production within hours of a paradoxical government announcement today pledging as many as 400,000 green jobs by 2015.

Ed Millipede, the Global Warming Scare Secretary, claims Britain will become a world leader in low-carbon technology and manufacturing, then further argues that raising household energy bills to pay for investment in nuclear, wind, solar and tidal power is justified not only by the dangers of climate change and marauding polar bears and psychopathic penguins but also the opportunity to totally bankrupt the unemployed British public.

Millipede, younger brother of the infamous David Millipede, the current Minister for Garden Sheds, has the same problems as his sibling when it comes to talking actual common sense.

Regardless of his 400,000 green jobs boast, tomorrow morning the Vestas factory in Newport on the Isle of Wight - Britain’s only significant manufacturer of wind turbines, will produce its last batch of seven-tonne blades for the ubiquitous towering abominations.

More than 600 people working at the plant, and a related facility in Southampton, will be given the push and join the ever-growing queue of unemployed Brtis at the Jolly Jobcentre.

However in keeping with the perfect logic of his green jobs announcement the 7,000 wind turbines that the Government will commit today to installing over the next decade will be manufactured overseas – in sub-standard engineering product shitholes like India and China who don’t even pay lip service to their own carbon footprint or CO2 reductions.

Wind power will be at the centre of today’s Global Warming Hoax Propaganda White Paper, which will set out how each sector of the recession-hit insolvent economy will be forceably milked by iniquitous stealth taxes to meet the overall target of a 34 per cent cut in CO2 emissions by 2150.

Conversely workers at the Vestas plant questioned whether Millipede’s numpty pledges could be taken seriously when the government had done nothing to save the UK’s only wind turbine factory – preferring to totally emasculate our once-sceptered isle – the progenitor of the Industrial Revolution.


However while the global warming scam is set to generate zillions of bucks in profits for the asinine carbon exchange cap and trade industry, who gives a flying shite about 600 jobs on the Isle of Wight.

One ponders when someone is going to latch onto the fact that during the 200 and odd years of the Industrial Revolution, Britain’s pollution levels – especially so the atmospheric elements of the environment (from CO2 and heavy metals – with inefficient coal fires heating every home and the smoke going up the chimney) were deadly and a thousand fold worse than today - causing impenetrable pea soup fogs and respiratory diseases in anybody old enough to cough.

However the ozone layer didn’t actually disappear and we didn’t fry from unfiltered solar radiation, nor did the polar bears drown or migrate due the icecaps melting – and there is no record of anyone getting pecked and savaged by disaffected penguins.