Thursday, 16 July 2009

Bonkers Boris Puts Foot in it - Yet Again

Certified squirly stand-up comedian and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense has described his £250,000 per annum for a weekly column scribbled for the Daily Shitraker as "chicken feed".

The arrogant serial idiot later told the BBC's ‘Dog Wankers’ programme that it was wholly reasonable for him take the second salary in addition to the measly £140,000 annual paycheque – plus performance bonuses, perks, and expenses - he gets for posing as a Dick Whittington wannabe too.

Following a swift elbow dig in the ribs by one of his political minders, the thatch-headed clown then declared to anyone still listening to his blather "Of course I also make substantial donations to charity - by throwing a few bob in my offshore tax-free Bonkers Boris Retirement Fund every chance I get when HM Revenue and Customs aren’t looking.”

However, Lord Mayor Bonkers, who suffers from a chronic case of BMS (Blonde Moment Syndrome), has a habitual mental flaw of opening his mouth before engaging what little brain he possesses, and is often described by the media as a shambolic mess – chaos in motion – and - an impending disaster just waiting for somewhere to happen.

When asked if his actions contradicted Conservative leader ‘Call me Dave’ Cameron's stand on second jobs, Bonkers Boris replied "Well I'm not a member of his shadow cabinet so I don’t really give a flying fuck what they say or do."

Lib Dem frontbencher Norman Fuctifino criticised the mayor for dismissing his second salary in such a disparaging manner.

"There is nothing wrong with people writing newspaper columns, but this is a whole shitpile of money and for Boris Nonsense to dismiss it as 'chicken feed' shows just how out of touch he and the filthy rich spoiled brat Tory party are from the realities of life for millions of unemployed British peasants - struggling to make ends meet in the depths of a recession - on £60 quid a week Jobseekers allowance."

Conversely while Boris might be labelled an eccentric flibbertigibbet by the general public and his political contemporaries for a series of wide-ranging and frequent gaffes, his first year as Lord Mayor has certainly not been uneventful.

He’s waved the Olympic flag, hounded police commissioner Ian Bliar out of office for shooting Brazilian electricians, and sworn repeatedly at a dodgy Labour MP – when he launched a tirade of politically incorrect expletives at Labour’s Mr. Suntan himself - Keith Vaz - chairman of the House of Conmans home affairs committee.

Critics and supporters alike agreed that Bonkers committed one of his customary faux pas and came a wee bit too close to the truth by telling Vaz to go ‘fuck himself’ and calling him a ‘cunt in cunts clothing’.

A few of Mayor Nonsense’s passions and signature policies have become synonymous with his crackpot buffoonery.

The Neanderthal hairstyle, talking bullshit, cycling to and from his office, tree-planting, electric cars, falling over in rivers – all presumably to further bolster his extensive suburban popularity – not to forget his crusading for an extra national holiday to celebrate St George snuffing out old dragons - or trashing the cyclist-crushing bendy bus service and resurrecting the iconic Routemasters.

Could you live on a Jobseeker’s Allowance of £250,000 per year? Do you agree the current £60 a week is chicken feed? Do you live in London? Did you vote for Bonkers Boris? – well then , it all your fault you’ve ended up with the clot as Lord Mayor.

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