Monday, 13 July 2009

Ex-RBS Bank Boss Gives Away Pension Fund

A British man who arrived at a Spanish airport on Wednesday, after having suffering a massive in-flight conscience attack, was taken into custody -- not for bad behaviour but for being too generous.

It turned out that the tourist, Sir Fred Badwin, had recently received a huge early retirement pension pot of £700,000 per year and a multi-million pound tax-free lump sum as a reward for actually bankrupting the Royal Bank of Scumland – which had to be salvaged by the mainly unemployed British taxpayers.

Smelly Fred, the former head of arrogance at the Royal Bank of Scumland, walked away with the highly controversial pension pot some months ago.

People who have had close contact with him since he was kicked out of his Chairmanship post at the RBS, such as dustbin men, Big Issue salesmen and counsellors at Samaritans, claim Fred has been going downhill lately and drinking too many meths breezers to offset the stigmatic trauma of being labelled the UK’s number one pariah for rewarding himself so lavishly after causing the biggest financial services fuck-up since the control of the Bank of England and the Federal Reserve were awarded to the Zionist Rothshite conglomerate on a silver platter by the respective muppet governments of the day.

Fellatia Gamarouche, spokeswoman for Spain's Interior Ministry, claimed people at Son Sant Joan Airport in Palma de Mallorca first alerted police because the dishevelled man "looked like an out of work bankster" and "had a disagreeable smell due all the shit that had been thrown at him over the past months."

Regardless of the lack of personal cleanliness and grooming, people were flocking around Badwin like bluetail flies as he handed out bundles of large denomination banknotes – all the while cackling alike some insane old crone.

Airport police officers found 52,000 Euros in cash and travellers cheques still remaining on his person even after his gestures of largess, but the only identity given for him by authorities at the time was ‘Fred’.

Officials who spoke to the mystery man said they were able to find out that he had recently come into what he referred to as a “Fuckin’ big inheritance”.

A spokesman for the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office said last night: "Consular officials on Mallorca were made aware of the case and visited the airport to grab a few quid for the Christmas party slush fund before nutty Fred was deported.

Mallorca immigration officials stuck Badwin on the next available Thomas Cook flight that was judged capable of taking off and returning to the UK without making a crash landing anywhere en route– with a large ‘persona non grata’ label fastened around his neck.

According to rumours in this week’s Scandalmonger’s Gazette Sir Fred, who suffers from a complex personal disability condition due being born without a sense of humour and receives daily intramuscular medication for his chronic UAS (Unqualified Arrogance Syndrome), has, since being fired by the Royal Bank of Scumland, been appointed to the board of securities and investment group Goldberg Snatch to help organise the imminent filing of their Chapter 11 bankruptcy declaration.

Back in the UK celebrity botty slapper, the Mayfair-based dominatrix Madame Bitch, spoke to a reporter from the Sunday Shitraker concerning Sir Fred’s mental plight : “Freddie boy came to me for confession and a good disciplinary spanking again last week, and was troubled that everyone in the country, his mother included, thought he was a prize twat.”

“Even his pet parrot must read the newspapers as he turned around and pecked the living shit out of Fred then flew off and built a nest at an RSPCA sanctuary.”

“Anyway I told him the proverb about the camel’s hump and the eye of the needle thing in the Bible – about greedy rich scumbags like him getting shut out of Heaven – so off he went to give his money away – and dropped a cool million into one of my ISA’s first.”

“I told him it would be more symbolic if he flew out to the Holy Land – specifically Gaza – and gave the money away in the streets to the real poor and needy, but he’s such a fuck-up recently he got on the wrong plane and ended up in Mallorca.”

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