Monday, 16 April 2012

UK Doctors Slam 5-a-Day Junk Diet

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what has, for the conspiracy theorists amongst us, got to equate as further Nanny State cradle to the grave meddling, NHS doctors across the UK have got their proverbial shit together, put a stop to their juvenile cat-calling and committed to a common purpose in uniting on a campaign to tackle rising levels of obesity – and yesterday condemned the lunchtime ‘weight-watchers’ snack of a bag of Monsanto’s Frankenfoods GMO crisps and a Mars bar – washed down with a can of aspartame-laden Croak-a-Cola - as being wholly at odds with the constituent basis of a healthy 5-a-day diet.

The campaign was kick started with a public announcement message that severely criticised sponsorship of the 2012 Olympic Games by fast food firms as sending the wrong message to the ‘thick as pigshit’ common herd – and will be focusing on an analytic review of the case for fat taxes, promoting exercise, restricting food advertising and other measures – especially the inclusion genetically-modified organisms being permitted into Broken Britain’s food chain at any level – including Dolly the sheep and ersatz mint sauce.

A spokesman for the campaign, Prof Wormhole Jaffacake, a consultant eugenicist at the Harold Shipman Institute for Clinical Excellence, was interviewed on BBC 1’s ‘Fat Gits Hour’ by Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr and slammed the Libservative Coalition government's current flawed strategy of partnering with dodgy ‘all-for-profit’ food firms in order to tackle obesity as counter-intuitive.

“Really, the Falstaffian philosophy of ‘laugh and grow fat’ is no longer an acceptable cultural norm for 21st Century society and puts the proponents of such on a direct course for a history of ill-health and being one step away from a fatal coronary or stroke – or a killer combination of both.”

“ While this curse of fast food convenience has gripped the idle-arsed populations of the Western world by the proverbial short and curlies due the fact there’s no washing up involved, eating at McD’s or KFC or Biffo’s Barf Burger chew n spew fast food outlets is at the root of the national obesity epidemic. Hence it is our collective opinion that cutting food intake, rather than exercise alone, is the key to avoiding obesity.”

“Okay, so we’ve ended up with kids – and adults - hooked on these addictive aspartame sweetener-enhanced soft drinks and MSG-laden greasy patties on a bun. If a diet of fish and chips – or Groggs meat and tater pies - or a tub of microwave Pol Pot Insta-Noodles - or even the traditional Irish mixed grill of mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes and chips - wasn’t bad enough, then this disgusting fast food culture that’s been imported from the United States is the root of all evil as far as storing up ill-health problems for the future. Personally I wouldn’t feed this crap to my dogs – never mind allow developing children to eat it due the accumulative detrimental physiological and psychological effects involved.”

“Now we have these junk food and drinks companies being permitted by our money-grubbing politicians to sponsor the Olympics with their 30 pieces of silver - which is a total no-brainer as what world class athletes could qualify for their respective events if they ate and drank a 5-a-day diet of greasy burgers and soft drinks. Good grief, the marathon runners would be puking and going into diabetic comas within minutes of getting off the starting line.”

The first phase of the campaign will scrutinise what works and what doesn’t – and review evidence for diets, exercise, taxation, minimum pricing, changing advertising and food labelling – plus which medical procedures have a positive effect on diet enforcement - such as ‘jaw wiring’ and ‘gastric banding’.

Prof Jaffacake opined that persuading the public to eat healthy food might work in the same way as the current anti-smoking and anti-binge drinking drives.
“There have been severe restrictions on smoking ad’s in the UK and heavy taxation aimed at both tobacco products and booze – we could apply the same protocols and tax the hell out of unhealthy foods while 5-a-day salad, fruit and veggie products are discounted. Plus the option is there to impose a labelling regime on greasy fast foods, bags of crisps, candies and soft drinks the same as packs of ciggies: THIS SHIT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH and GREASY FOOD BLOCKS YOUR ARTERIES AND CAUSES BOWEL CANCER.”

So, society gets fed a stream of conflicting Big Brother public service messages aimed at subduing us all into a subservient ‘good dog’ state of ‘compliance’.
We are advised to eat better, but companies are allowed to adulterate food with chemicals and unhealthy fillers in order to maximise profit at the expense of their customers.
Thus the reason we are stricken with genetic defects and morphological mutations that manifest in later life following consumption of fluoride-laced drinking water and toothpaste, breathing in chem-trail residues - plus a noxious diet of GMO Franken-foods and other junk tucker riddled with aspartame and a score of other like toxic preservatives, colourings and additives.

Then we have the irony of MacDonalds and Coca Cola etcetera et al, sanctioned to sponsor sporting events – a corrupt practice that speaks volumes concerning the lack of scruples of the Olympic Committee that they stoop to accepting such payments.

Finally let’s just check out the hypocrisy of this NHS healthy eating campaign with a focus on the fact that successive governments have imposed draconic – even ‘fascist’ controls over cigarette smoking to the point of criminalising the habit – and they want to do the same with alcohol - yet the biggest detrimental health risk to our society – typically – has not been addressed – with the likes of Jamie Oliver resorting to anarchist tactics to shame the government into serving healthy school meals – and yet they continue to purposely poison us with noxious vaccinations, chemtrails, fluoride in drinking water, plus neuro-toxic colourings, MSG and aspartame in our food, candies and soft drinks.

Thought for the day: Chronic constipation? Erectile dysfunction? Breathless and light-headed? Pains in the chest? If symptoms persist – consult an undertaker.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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