Saturday, 21 April 2012

Superpower India Launches Balti V ICBM

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

If the gospel according to Jane’s Warmongers Weekly magazine is to be believed, India, a second-rate Third World shithole that can’t even feed its own burgeoning population, has not only constructed but also test fired a long-range intercontinental ballistic missile, capable of carrying a one-ton nuclear warhead, from a military base off the Bay of Bengal coast of Orissa.

General Wormhole Chuckabutty, the incumbent Defence Secretary, announced that the Tata Industries-built Balti V rocket was launched just after breakfast, at 8:05 on Thursday morning.
Standing at 17.5m-tall, the rocket is solid-fuelled, has three stages and a launch weight of 50 tons – and even though constructed out of recycled spam and baked bean tins, old bicycle frames, frazzled i-Pads and Mac laptops, still cost more than 2.5 billion rupees to develop.

"We are expecting it will take some time before it is known whether the overall mission has been successful as the rocket is designed for a range of more than 5,000 kilometres.”
“If it hits the designated target - Mr Rancid Jaffacake’s back garden shed behind his Wolverhampton take-away - and he texts back the coded message “Shed is history” – then we will have proved that we too are a world class nuclear power, possessing a warhead delivery system to equal those of the Russians and the Great Satan and the Chinese – and most definitely now have one up on our bellicose Paki neighbours in the north.”

"This is a quantum leap in India's strategic capability – not only if the rocket actually makes it as far as Wolverhampton but just imagine the ‘aggression’ prestige we will achieve if it does zero in on the transponder and hit Mr Jaffacake’s shed,'' Ravi Gupta, the spokesman for the Defence Ministry’s Institute for Advanced Guesswork, informed press hacks just prior to the launch.
“The Balti V will be the cornerstone of India's missile-based nuclear deterrent and meet all present-day threat perceptions. It is our most sophisticated weapon - an intercontinental ballistic missile capable of carrying a 1.5-ton Vindaloo ten megaton nuclear warhead.”

Analysts at Jane’s speculated the Balti V could target anywhere in the Greater Asian region and strike deep into the heartlands of their neighbouring military rival - China.
Que, excuse me – ‘deep into neighbouring China’. China - WTF? Is that a bit of black propaganda shit-stirring by the Zionist West to sow dissent and generate a spot of sabre-rattling?

As if to play down Jane’s hysterical speculation, General Chuckabutty added "This is a deterrent to avoid wars and it is not country-specific as we have a no-first-use policy,” then with a certain air of disingenuousness described the country's missile development programme as a ‘purely academic’ exercise.

Chuckabutty concluded “Of course, while we have no intentions of using the Balti V ICBM for the purpose of belligerence, its proven capability of hitting distant targets 5,000 kilometres away acts as a deterrent for aggression to be aimed at us and is good for regional stability.”

Good for regional stability my arse – yet apart from the hype and ballyhoo that the rockets could strike deep into the heartlands of their neighbouring military rival China – the West hasn’t issued one peep of condemnation and perhaps covertly revels in the headless chicken hysteria the launch might cause in amongst Beijing’s geriatric Politburo.

Whereas the pariah North Korea’s abortive missile launch last week raised a shit-storm of protests from the hypocrisy-ridden Zionist-dominated Western governments – with glow-in-the-dark Japan going so far out on the Belligerence Scale by threatening to shoot the missile down.

Western hypocrisy and the policy of double standards – dontcha just love ‘em.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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