Slimy Simon Goes into ‘I Accuse’ Mode

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Librarian-Dummercrats deputy leader Slimy Simon Hughes has become the first senior party member to join calls for an inquiry into whether Culture Secretary Jeremy Kunt breached the ministerial code of conduct regarding the deliberate leakage of confidential information regarding the BSkyB bid by his special advisor Adam Scrote to News Corp.

Details of the contact between Scrote and News Corp emerged in a series of emails seen by the Leveson Inquiry, which is examining the lack of moral scruples and criminality involved with gutter press standards and practices.

Anxious to climb aboard the back-stabbing bandwagon and get his two-penneth of venom in, Hughes told a press hack from the Daily Shitraker that he couldn’t understand why the issue was not being referred to the independent watchdog – unless there was something very fishy to hide – such as bribes of fresh Scots salmon or rainbow trout.

Hughes opined on the BBC's ‘Spot the Twat’ programme he did not think Secretary Kunt should resign but preferably commit ritual seppuku – or be padlocked inside one of MI6’s North Face escape-proof holdalls - with a ferocious and half-starved wild animal - then tossed into the Thames.
"If Jeremy is telling the truth and he hasn’t been naughty, slipping info’ to raving Rupert and his gang of thugs, he'll be vindicated. If he's not, then he has to take the consequences like we all did at public school and get shafted up the arse."

Posh Dave Scameron’s Downing Street spokeswoman Scabby Bertin informed the media there were no plans to investigate the contact between News Corp and Secretary Kunt's ex-special adviser Adam Scrote.
“Really, I don’t know what silly Simon’s going on about – none of this concerns his department. Simon’s been suffering from a severe bout of ‘Rejection Syndrome’ as of late, and this is obviously a pathetic attempt on his part to get noticed and his name in the press so his Bermondsey and Old Sock constituents don’t forget who their MP is.”
“Personally, I’m sure Secretary Kunt has acted properly as he’s such a nice chap with an honest face – just like dear Lord Lucan.”

Last Wednesday, Kunt's special adviser Adam Scrote resigned over the scandalous extent of his ‘in bed’ daily contact with the Mudrock’s dodgy News Corporation during its planned takeover of satellite broadcaster BSkyB.
Kunt, who was responsible for Scrote's actions under the ministerial code of conduct, now claims he adhered strictly to party policy and simply ignored what was going on - denying that News Corp had any back channel of influence with him personally – such as blackmail threats concerning his perverted sexual tastes and proclivity for cross-dressing.

The ginger-mingin shadow culture secretary Harriet Harlot has written to the prime minister calling for him to instruct the independent adviser on ministerial conduct, Sir Alex MacDuff, to launch an inquiry into whether Mr Kunt breached the ministerial code – with New Labour leader Ed Millipede telling media hacks it was impossible to believe that Adam Scrote had acted as a lone wolf and called for Secretary Kunt to take a lie detector test – or do the right thing and resign.

In a pathetic attempt to pass the buck, shirk responsibility and exonerate himself from any sort of blame in the affair, Kunt told the House of Conmans assembly that his fellow Freemason, the Permanent Secretary Jonathan Stephens, had approved Mr Scrote's role as liaison on the BSkyB deal.
However, when Stephens appeared before the Public Accounts Committee for a session on the Olympics, he repeatedly refused to answer questions and thereby incriminate himself.

He was asked a score of times, but evasively referred the MPs to previous statements made by Jeremy Kunt and Adam Scrote, and claimed he had been given no notice of the MPs' questions and hence had not been availed an opportunity to conjure up some fitting disingenuous responses to avoid incriminating himself in the sordid and corrupt affair.

Secretary Kunt's handling of News Corp's takeover bid for BSkyB was raised at the Leveson Inquiry on Thursday as Rupert Mudrock gave evidence for a second day.
The News Corp chairman denied that Kunt had been "on our side", stating the minister had extracted "very big concessions" from the company – in the form of a large brown paper bag stuffed with £50 quid notes.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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