In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A witness at the trial of Slimy Silvio Berlusconi yesterday gave evidence to a packed and enthralled Milan courtroom that strippers dressed as Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster nuns performed an erotic routine of squat presses on a bed of erect aubergines for the former Italian prime minister at one of his regular ‘Chock Full of Sluts’ bawdy sex parties.
Celebrity catwalk fashion model Mingeeter Godermiche told the court she had been paid 2,000 euros (£1,650 quid) by ‘Slimy Silvio’ the first time she ever attended one of the all-night Viagra-fuelled "bunga-bunghole" party sessions at his private villa in the Milanese countryside.
The chic Ms Godermiche was one of several women who arrived at the courthouse as witnesses for the prosecution to testify at Berlusconi's trial and stab their former whore-master squarely in the back with a sordid stream of character assassination testimonies.
Berlusconi, who, regardless of having the smarts and savvy to become a self-made multi-zillionaire, has gained a shameful notoriety for thinking with his genitalia instead of his brains, and stands accused on one charge of paying for sex with an underage nightclub dancer – the Moroccan-born Karima el-Sluterotti, who was only 15 when she - allegedly – first had three-hole sex with the prime minister.
The lecherous Berlusconi is further accused of abusing his official position by coercing police to release Ms Sluterotti - better known by her stage name Ruby the Blow Job Queen - from jail when she was arrested for stealing vibrator batteries from a Milan Lira-Stretcher discount store.
Ms Godermiche further informed the court she had attended several raunchy sex parties at Berlusconi's villa outside Milan where he entertained fellow politicians, ranking Roman Catholic clerics from the Vatican’s ‘red hat’ hierarchy and a legion of bent Plod Squad, Judiciary and government officials with his stable of cash-for-sex whores – with one being named as Sapphie Dildodo, now a regional councillor for Berlusconi's People of Freedom Party in Milan – and the other the sitting judge in Berlusconi’s current trial – Giudice Alfredo Corruptioni who apparently also has an acquired perverted pederast taste for turning underage females of the species into his personal suck n swallow sex slaves.
Mr Berlusconi stepped down from his ministerial office in November 2011 due the fubar state of Italy's economy and his popularity ratings being on a par with an all-in adventure camping holiday in a leper colony – or signing up for a tour of duty with his Messianic Excellence Joseph Kony and the kindergarten troopers of his Lord’s Resistance Army.
The trial continues: watch this space.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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