Thursday, 19 April 2012

Spain’s Royal Wastrel Taking de Piss

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Spain’s spendthrift King Juan Carlos copped for a hail of media flack last weekend for pissing off on a taxpayer-funded safari jaunt - hunting elephants in Botswana - while his country is being sucked deeper into the fatally-flawed euro-zone’s financial crisis as the housing market crashed and every fucker and their dog has at least two unemployed members in their family.

The leading national red top daily El Shitraker tabloid carried the banner ‘Who Shot Dumbo’s Mum?’ alongside a photo of their monarch and his hapless felled pachyderm prey and pointed to the exorbitant cost of the trip – plus further criticized the lack of transparency concerning the finances of the Royal Household three months after it promised to disclose its tax-dodging income following a criminal investigation involving Sleazo Corruptioni, the husband of the king’s youngest daughter Slutella, who was arrested and charged with offences of fraud, embezzlement and a money laundering scam.

The covert royal jaunt, with costs siphoned out of the public purse, might well have remained a secret if his Royal Clumsiness had (thanks to Karma being a real bitch) not tripped over one of the safari’s grovelling black gophers, fractured his hip and had to be evacuated on an emergency flight to Madrid aboard a private jet and undergo surgery last Saturday morning.

To add insult to injury (that suffered by the Spanish proletariat – not Juan Carlos) the King called on political leaders in his last annual Christmas message to set a good example with their personal austerity measures – and more recently claimed there was the odd time when a stifled conscience disturbed his afternoon siesta due concerns over Spain’s five out of ten youth unemployment problem reaching a crisis situation and erupting in a 1789 or 1917 “Off with their heads!” type revolutionary reaction that had heralded the violent sanguine ends of the wastrel French and Russian dynasties.

The El Shitraker editorial stated for public consumption that “It was an irresponsible trip, taken at the worst possible moment. The image of a monarch hunting elephants in Africa at a time when the economic crisis in our country creates so many problems for the Spanish people is setting a piss poor example.”

A separate accident also drew a shedload of negative media attention to the royal family on Monday, when Prince Felipe Juan Moronsky, the 13-year-old son of the king’s eldest daughter Infanta Numptella, accidentally shot himself in the foot with a 12 gauge during a ‘peasant hunt’ target practice session in the grounds of one of the numerous family villas - north of Madrid.

The incident was reminiscent of a more serious royal shooting accident in 1956 when King Juan Carlos’s 14-year-old brother, Alfonso, died at the family’s exile home in Estoril, Portugal.
It was claimed that Alfonso was killed by a ‘triple tap’ to the head when a revolver he was cleaning went off accidentally – three times - with the bullets doing a JFK assassination special by all ricocheting off a suit of armour then hitting the hapless royal in the head – which investigative journalists and historians alike have questioned the veracity of the official version of events ever since.

Thought for the day: Even that archetype Spic, Manuel Labour, is out of a job, yet King Juan Carlos the Jackal can afford to trot off to Botswana and get his arse involved in a spot of legalised ivory poaching. Hmmm, something stinks in Denmark, and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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