Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Cameron: Poll Rating lower than Pol Pot

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well, if it wasn’t for bad luck then the Tory’s √úbermensch leader Posh Dave Scameron wouldn’t have any following two weeks of dodging ‘cash for access’ questions from House of Conmans opposition MPs regarding party donors coughing up what banksters refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ so they can get close in and personal with whatever cabinet minister can help fulfil their personal commercial ‘wish list’.

To that end the fatally-flawed Libservative Coalition cabinet decided on a moronic Chinese fire drill ‘Panic Stations’ strategy by announcing that a vehicle fuel tanker strike was imminent and for everyone and their dog to rush off to the nearest gas station and fill up their cars – and anything else available that was capable of holding a few litres of diesel or petrol. Empty bottles, buckets, casserole dishes, slow cooker crocks, pots and pans, kettles, old welly boots, goldfish bowls – and even wheelie bins.

Alas, the car wreck Cabinet’s ‘Clot Superior’ responsible for turning order into chaos, Francis Maude, the Tory MP for Horseshit in Sussex, overlooked a simple HSE regulation when he sent the motoring population of Broken Britain into headless chicken mode – don’t decant the petrol in front of a blazing log fire – nor in the kitchen while Mum’s making a beef flamb√© on the stove – which resulted in scores of the UK’s households getting an emergency visit from their local fire brigade - and the NHS Trust A & E Burns Units being filled to capacity with barbequed housewives.

Now to add to the angst, Posh Dave, whose popularity ratings are on a par with a camping holiday in a leper colony or volunteering as a guinea pig for chemotherapy trials, has gone totally batshit bonkers and admitted to one press hack from the Mental Health Gazette that he keeps hearing ‘whispering voices’ in his pointy little head - all telling him to “play it safe” if he wants to win a majority.

But our Daring Dave - a man who while a student at Oxford once had the audacious balls to personally play ‘knock door - run’ on the Dean’s cottage one night following a drunken Bullingdon Club boozing session – has thrown this spectral ‘play it safe’ advice to the four winds and said “Popularity be damned!” – and intends to get a grip on Britain’s welfare bill so he can free up further funds to pay for the UK’s component of the imminent military invasions of Syria and Iran.

But Posh Dave’s a fair sort of bloke – just like Tony Bliar before him – and this time around intends leaving the hapless and marginalised senior citizens and disabled benefits claimants alone - and target unemployed youngsters instead.

Scameron’s radical proposals are being worked on by the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next and the Department for Work and Pensions as part of a drive to slash benefits and force people to labour and sweat for their daily bread – or starve.
Under the current situation people below the age of 25 can claim housing benefit to help pay the rent for bed-sits or rooms in shared accommodation if their wages or jobseeker’s allowances are below the bog standard hand to mouth survival test criterion.

Now the plan is to eviscerate these benefits and hence drive the affected younger generation out onto the streets to boost the dwindling ranks of the homeless who’ve frozen to death over the winter months – or back to shack up with Mum and Dad as a reluctant lodger in the old spare room – or the garden shed.

But as the whimsical Scameron informed one reporter from the Daily Shitraker, he’s determined to push through his radical reforms and prepared to rub people up the wrong way concerning this – not his actual political masters, of course – but the common herd.

Going into petulant mode, Scameron stated for the public record “Really, it can’t be right that we pay a bunch of lazy-arsed oicks loads of unemployment benefits to stay at home rather than go out to work. And I don’t want to hear the old threadbare excuse that there are no jobs or apprenticeships to be had. These sods can come and volunteer for my Big Society work force and get a free hi-viz vest and a badge – plus a carton of orange juice and a bag of crisps for their lunch.”

Hmmm, perhaps readers might wish to check out Shelter’s response to Scameron’s plans - and point his attentions to the fact this tosspot scheme is a total contradiction of the Government’s own policies on overcrowding.

Thought for the day: So, Scameron’s poll rating has dived 8 points in a fortnight, following rows over cash–for-access donors, panic fuel buying, the controversial pastie tax, Chancellor Osborne’s crap budget – and the proposed ‘secret courts’ legislation being fielded as the ‘Something to Hide Act 2012’ which will exempt Tory Party donations and the likes of the 7/7 false flag terrorist attacks – and the Dr David Kelly assisted suicide case - from ever being scrutinised in a public court of inquiry.

But let us ignore the duplicity uttered by this forked-tongued Zionist stooge currently tasked with administering the crony capitalist state that comprises Broken Britain with its culture of corporate greed, income disparities and social inequality, and focus instead on the fact his real constituency is not Shitney in Poxforshire but the Rothshite crime syndicate’s Fortune 500 corporations – and fatally involving the UK with the US criminal agenda to destabilise the Mid-East and Africa to achieve their New World Order’s ‘Foreign Policy Initiative’ (read Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion) goals.

As to the National Bellenders popularity poll, New Labour’s Ed Millipede only copped for a sad 19% who thought he’d make a better PM, up just one point in the last two weeks – with the Lib-Dum’s Mick Clogg getting a mere 5%.
46% said they “don’t know” who would be the best PM - the highest figure since May 2010 – but speculated that Wallace and Gromit would make better Coalition leaders than the current pair of twats.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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