Pukesham Cop Social Cleansing Charges

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron’s Libservative Coalition government went into ‘backs to the wall’ mode in defending its fatally-flawed housing benefit cap yesterday after it emerged London's Pukesham Council authority was conspiring to transmigrate blocks of ‘useless eater’ peasant class families on welfare some 160 miles north to Stoke-on-Trent.

Pukesham Council now stands accused of human rights abuses due conducting a social cleansing campaign against a marginalised section of the community - a charge Mayor Ron Scumm responded to with the counter that the government’s austerity measures and slashing of housing benefit had pushed welfare claimants out of expensive parts of London to Pukesham which did not have enough room on its landfill sites for the legions of homeless squatters.
“It’s all Chancellor Osborne’s bloody fault wiv his welfare reforms an’ introducin’ weekly caps on housing benefit of £25 quid fer a one-bedroom en suite cardboard box under the railway arches an’ £90 quid fer a three-bedroom garden shed on the canal bank.”

Conversely housing minister Grant Shatt, the incumbent Tory MP for Welwyn Twatfield, informed press hacks that there was no shortage of lean-to’s and sheds on Pukesham’ s garden allotments and suggested Mayor Scumm and his Labour-dominated council were playing politics ahead of the May scheduled local elections.
“This is a social cleansing move on the council’s part to get rid of undesirables before the onset of the Olympic Games and meet the housing accommodation demands of a buoyant yuppies market who have jobs and can pay six months rent up front.”

Pukesham Council runs one of the poorest boroughs in the known Universe yet is now home to the new 500-acre Olympic Park - which social activists claim could be turned into a massive squatter’s housing site to accommodate thousands of homeless families once the fortnight-long 2012 ‘Games’ are over and done with.

In a desperate bid to reach a ‘final solution’ to their homeless problems, Pukesham Council have contacted the Born Losers Housing Association in Stoke-on-Trent, offering them the unenviable ‘opportunity’ to set up a Palestinian style refugee camp in one of their open green spaces – farmland or flood plains - for 500 disaffected families currently bleeding the council coffers dry with their housing benefit claims.

However while recognising the paradox that the gap between market rents and the housing allowance is a divide of Biblical proportions, the chief executive officer for the Born Losers group, Fellattia van der Gamm, focused on the negative factor that such a move could mark the start of thousands of needy people being dumped on someone else’s doorstep with no approved plan for their support or welfare.

“Stoke! Que? Excuse me, but WTF? Stoke already has its own unemployment and homeless problems due past and present government’s insane globalisation and outsourcing policies without adding to them with a bunch of economic exiles from London. Why should our social services – the medical, education and justice systems – be burdened with a gang of beggars that Pukesham Council want to see the back of?”

“The question is, what’s next on the agenda might we inquire – ethnic cleansing of the unemployed and homeless? Euthanasia for the sickies and disabled and anyone who’s a bit intellectually challenged? Sorry, we’re not getting ourselves involved in this festering, potential human rights abuse scandal.”

Mrs Winnebago Jaffacake, a 22-year old single mother of six who arrived in the UK from Albania last year and has been squatting in a Pukesham telephone booth since Christmas with her children, spoke to the media on hearing the news she was being trucked north to Staffordshire, asking “Are they civilised in this Stoke place or cannibals? Do they speak English and have Boris Bikes and a Pikey Pete’s Emporium? Are the streets paved with gold – or full of potholes like London’s?”

Thought for the day. Pukesham Council’s proposal is reminiscent of the venal ‘transmigration’ policies imposed by such Third World dictatorships as per Indonesia under that evil old kleptomaniac President Suharto. During the misrule of his despotic regime, entire village populations were forcibly uprooted from Java to East Kalimantan – the arsehole of the Universe - as a more humane alternative to murdering his political opponents and any other fucker and their dog who disagreed with the graft and corruption-ridden government.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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