Newborns Screened for ‘Useless Eater’ Genes

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The number of genetic disorders for which newborn babies are tested is to double in a UN-funded Agenda 21 pilot study to be conducted under the auspices of the Ministry of Health and a selection of NHS Trusts.

Under current Big Brother eugenic watchdog guidelines 700,000 babies born in Broken Britain each year are tested for adverse genetic conditions such as Up’s Disease, Down’s Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis and CND (Congenital Numpty Disorder).

Now several additional debilitating maladies - all of them believed to be quite common on sink or swim council housing estates and such contagion hot spots as Jobcentres, Premier League football grounds and the Troublespot Tavern pub chain - will be tested for in five areas of England, with the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence at Dachau-on-Sea tasked with leading the pilot programme.

The Department of Health’s chief medical officer, Dr Frank Mengele, informed one press hack from the Eugenics Gazette that the screening would serve to sort the prospective ‘wheat from the chaff’ at birth and not have to wait until children reached their formative teen years to detect who were going to be ‘Life’s losers’ and a burden on the state’s welfare benefits system – and who would be up to serving Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society agenda as ‘volunteers’.

The Newborn Bloodspot screening programme tests will be performed by one of the Renta-Thug Security Agency’s Community Enforcement Officers assigned to each hospital’s maternity ward and take place immediately following a live birth. Here the baby's heel is pricked and drops of blood analysed in a laboratory to determine if the child will be an asset or a burden to society and graded on the UN standard Euthanasia Scale of one to ten.
Those scoring less that five points will be shipped off to transplant organ donor fattening farms – or simply tossed in the same Senomyx skip as aborted foetuses and sold to the Coca Cola and Pepsi soft drinks industry giants to be blended into a puree for use as flavour-enhancement supplements.

Currently five conditions are tested for: CBA-S (Can’t Be Arsed Syndrome), which affects 3,500 babies a year; Matressitis, which affects 2,500 babies a year – along with WBA (Welfare Benefit Addiction), Chronic Gongenital Chlamydia and Medium Chain Brain Cell Deficiency (MCBCD).

The pilot scheme to be run at the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence - and in Sheffield, Manchester, Birmingham and London - means 430,000 newborns a year will be also screened for genetic defects and morphological mutations that might manifest in later life following consumption of fluoride-laced drinking water and toothpaste, breathing in chem-trail residues - plus a noxious diet of junk food riddled with aspartame and a score of other like toxic preservatives, colourings and additives:
Jam Butty Urine Disease
Morgellons Nano-Tourette’s Oppositional Defiance Disorder
Type 1 Anarchy Chromosome
Long Chain Lard Arse Syndrome
Type 2 Nihilism DNA Factor

All the above affect approximately one in every 100,000 births - or about seven babies a year that grow up to be Bolshie bastards who disagree with everything the government says or does – and whose sole purpose in life is to overthrow the corrupt capitalist pecking order via the route of violent revolution and establish their own brand of ‘anarcho-syndical’ utopian communes free of banksters, usury and aggressive foreign policy.

Following a diatribe of criticism delivered against the Newborn Bloodspot screening programme by Shabby Acrobati, the director of the civil rights abuse sentinel Twat-Watch during an interview on BBC 1’s Andrew ‘Bat-Ears’ Marr ‘Jackboot Hour’, the Libservative Coalition MP Posh Dave Scameron responded with: “Ye Gods, no sodding wonder Gordon Brown lost his rag with public whingepots and called them a bunch of ignorant bigots who don’t know which way is ‘up’. This isn’t exactly what I’d call another step towards imposing an Orwellian state but simply a screening process aimed at improving the overall physical and mental health of our next generation.”

“We’re already inundated with a legion of leg-swinging sickies claiming disability benefits and draining Chancellor Osborne’s piggy bank. Hence what we don’t need is to increase these numbers amongst the ranks of the uninformed voting demographic whose parents have been swimming too long at the shallow end of the gene pool.”

Thought for the day: “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20)

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.