Saturday, 14 April 2012

Bus Ads for Gayness Cure Banned

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The oddball Mayor of London, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, has put his foot down with a firm hand and got into the proverbial ‘thick of it’ to prevent a Christian moral advertising campaign from promoting the idea that gay people can be converted to heterosexuality.

Just days before posters were due to appear on the sides of buses plying their routes around the capital, Mayor Bonkers ordered his transport chiefs to pull the adverts booked by two conservative Anglican groups following cries of outrage from the massed ranks of fudgers and rug-munchers who claimed they were anti-gay in nature as there is no known psycho-medical cure for homosexuality.

The adverts were booked on behalf of the Core Issues Trust whose raving homophobic leader, Ron Scrunt, believes – in his personal unqualified Messianic opinion - that "homoerotic behaviour between persons of the same sex is sinful".

Scrunt’s charity funds courses of ‘reparative therapy’ for gay Christians and kiddie fiddling priests which it claims can manifest and evolve their latent or suppressed heterosexual potentials. The campaign was also backed by Anglican Mainstream, a global orthodox religious group whose supporters have equated both male and female homosexuality with alcoholism, hard drug abuse, incest, paedophilia, psychopathic tendencies and genocide.

So, in the interests of all-round fairness and to present a level playing field, why were the pro-poofter Stonewall group allowed to have – (starting on April Fool’s Day – which sort of says it all) - 1,000 London buses running around the Metropolis with adverts on the side promoting same sex marriages – bearing the sad slogan "Some people are gay. Get over it!" - while the Anglican Mainstream / Core Issues Trust ad’s declaring a message of "Not up my bum! Post-gay, ex-gay and proud. Get over it!" were banned by Bonkers Boris the Censor?

Transport for London spokeswoman Mingeeter Dildodo informed one gutter press hack from the red top Iron Hoof Gazette tabloid that the Core Issues Trust adverts did not reflect a tolerant and inclusive London for homosexually-inclined tourists visiting the city during the Diamond Jubilee celebrations, Wimbledon fortnight and the 2012 Olympic Games for a spot of 'casual kinky sex'.

Mayor Nonsense added to this condemnation with a derisory "It is clearly offensive to suggest that being gay is a gender issue illness that someone recovers from by watching heterosexual porno movies when the problem’s in their genes - and I’m not prepared to have that suggestion driven around London on the side of our buses – even though that daft old oick Red Ken Livingroom might well approve."

Stonewall director Rupert McSodom opined to the media: "It’s a fantastic win for us that no adverts will be promoting voodoo, gay-cure therapy in London. Really, what self-respecting lesbian is going to get ‘cured’ by having a cock up her when she has a strap-on and her girl-friend’s tongue available. Same with all this talk about us fags needing to acquire a taste for pussy then we’d be converted back to the true path. I mean to say, who wants to go licking something that smells like a dead mackerel – and especially sticking your cock in it as well? Ron Scrunt and his gang of Core Issues homophobes need a good bitch slapping."

Faulty rhetoric and convoluted self-serving logic besides, let’s be honest here – even God stated for the public record in the Bible’s Old Testament that lesbo’s and shirt-lifters – and let’s call a spade ‘a spade’ here and not piss around with politically correct euphemisms like ‘gay’ – were, in His divine words – ‘an abomination’. It’s all written down for posterity in the Book of Leviticus – and who in their right mind wants to argue with God – apart from the Stonewall group and Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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