Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Tories Score 10+ on Scumometer Scale

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Posh Dave Scameron’s efforts to promote democracy in the Middle East by rushing to become the first foreign leader to visit Cairo on Monday, armed with a bundle of olive branches, were eclipsed by a sickening pall of hypocrisy as some rotten twat working for Ox-Rat, the international human rights and wrongs watchdog charity, snitched to the Warmongers Gazette the fact that he will be spending the week on a tour of repressive Gulf states, glad-handing the ruling despots and pontificating about ‘socio-political reforms’ - with a gaggle of eight of Britain's leading armaments manufacturers in tow.

After a hastily convened stopover in Egypt, where he spoke of being quite surprised by the peasant protester’s stupidity in swapping a dictator for a military junta, Scameron began his pick n mix ‘peace and trade’ mission by flying on to Kuwait, a key military arms customer that has spent in excess of £105 zillion quid on buying British-made weaponry since 2003.

Scameron, who won a prestigious ‘full blue’ at Oxford - along with Bullingdon Club pals Chancellor George Oddbourne and London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense - for ‘Oick Bashing’, yesterday sermonised to the autocratic Kuwaiti ruler, Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer, and members of his pantomime Parliament that only the Montesquieu principles of political checks and balances – ensuring freedom of speech, justice and the rule of law - will allow developing countries to meet the aspirations and demands of their internet street smart Bolshie populations – (all of whom are clamouring for socio-political and economic reforms) – and provide the fa├žade of stability in the Third World shitholes of North Africa and the Middle East.

With that pedantic pet talk out of the way, and after purposely avoiding mention of Kuwait’s 300,000 ‘Bidoon’ Bedouin ‘untouchables’ – a section of their society wholly disadvantaged and marginalised - or the matter of ‘Women’s Suffrage’ under the restraints of the Islamic sub-culture, the entire Scameron Circus then flew off across the Gulf to Abu Dhabi, which is ‘coincidentally’ hosting the region's largest arms fair - the ‘Philistine’s Picnic'.
Here a further 93 British companies are promoting their bespoke ‘Cripple, Maim, Kill’ military wares – which include such items of repression as rubber bullets, insta-cardiac tasers, stun grenades, pepper spray, pick axe handles, CS gas, DEW microwave ‘stingers’ – and a variety of recyclable body bags in every colour from camoflague to fluorescent orange - for crowd control - and disposal.

The glib-tongued PM is on the ground to promote democracy and bolster arms sales - plus support the UK Defence Minister Gerald Howarth and his 15-strong delegation from UKTI, the trade promotion wing of the department which is co-hosting a British pavilion with ADS, the UK’s nasty weapons of mass distraction trade association.

Posh Dave will facilitate personal introductions to the chequebook-signing head honchos ruling the North African and Gulf State’s repressive regimes on behalf of the British armaments industry’s sales reps - which this year include Rendition Industries, BAE Shitstems, Bodybags-R-Us, Thales Barbarian Supplies, Qinetiq Torture Kit, Ultra Electronics Tasers, and the Cobham Group with their innovative and much sought-after 65 tonne ‘Crowd Crusher’ heavily armoured riot vans - used with great effect to disperse Bolshie peasant protester types the world over.

Thought for the day: Now, that has got to be a first in hypocrisy - plus immoral crassness - for PM Scameron to take arms salesmen with him on his Middle East peace trip. The Lib-Dums, by coalition association, are now tarred with the same brush as Scameron and his Tory oicks, and stand a chance of coming in as joint favourites for the 2011 International Hypocrisy Award.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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