Bahrain’s Despots Nix Democracy Option

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The recent waves of socio-political protest that continue to sweep the Islamic states of North Africa, with hordes of Bolshie peons ousting one set of decades-entrenched kleptomaniacs only to find themselves now ruled by a military junta (Egypt) or an even bigger set of thieves (Tunisia) – have regardless inspired the marginalised and disaffected peasant classes of oil and gas rich Bahrain to take up the Red Flag and find out via the route of harsh reality what sanguine dye it is actually painted with.

However, the Bani Utbah tribal ‘oil dynasty’ pondscum still ruling the Gulf island state have decided the shithole’s not yet ready for Democracy and have thus banned all protests – with the military ordered to tighten its grip after the violent removal of anti-government demonstrators from Manama’s Pearl Square.

Obviously the army took this edict from the Interior Ministry with the degree of seriousness intended and exercised every measure necessary to preserve general order and national security – with four people dead and 230-plus seriously injured after plods and army troopers broke up the main protest camp – plus a rough headcount of 60 aggie student demonstrators snatched and detained by the secret police for ‘a good talking to’.

The capital of Manama has been effectively shut down, with tanks, army patrols and razor wire checkpoints on key traffic and pedestrian routes making access in and out of the city as tight as a coral snake’s sphincter.

However protesters and opposition politicians expressed outrage at the violence of the crackdown, with a leader of the minority opposition ‘Shaheed Ibn Himar Party’, Mohammed Manuke Khara, informing one reporter from the Despots Gazette that he was resigning in disgust and going to join Prime Minister David Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ in Britain.

Conversely Mohammed Istimna, of Bahrain's secular ‘Spit ur Wadd Party’, told the media the protests would continue. "We are going to direct the stupid peasants and students to do what's necessary to change this into a democratic country, even if they all get killed in the process of attempting to achieve a functioning, constitutional democracy."
“We also want political prisoners to be released, more jobs and housing and the removal of the crooked Prime Minister Sheikh Khalifa Al Kaseltzer – who is known to his friends as ‘Fizzy’ – and has been in office now for 40 years.”

One protester, coincidentally also called Mohammed, told a reporter from the Totalitarian Gazette “They should have used water hoses to disperse us first instead of firing rubber bullets – then at least we could all have taken a nice refreshing shower before being tear-gassed and battered with pickaxe handles and baseball bats.”

Mohammed, a former tortoise polisher from the slums of Jebel ad-Dukhan, surprised the shit out of friends and family alike last Christmas when someone gave him a copy of Das Kapital and his politics took a most Bolshie turn – prompting him to give up the security of a stable 16-hour-a-day job, the luxury of a brackish deep well within half an hour’s walking distance, and the creature comforts of a dry cave roof over his head – and take up the path of Anarchy.

Going into full revolutionary mode, Mohammed continued “We are sick and tired of the Curse of the Four C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency – and too the ‘DOSRII’ : Directors, Officers, Seniors, and Related Invested Interests. We are sick of this elitist fraternity and their absurd sense of dynastic entitlement – that they rule us by Divine Right – at Allah’s discretion indeed.”
“These are the type of Sunni-side up shits that would do anything to get into power – and are willing to do anything to keep the status quo that way so they control the oil revenues.”

Interior ministry spokesman Brig Mohammed Hassan al-Dipshit, informed Pox News that some protesters had ended the sit-in peacefully and left quietly but others had exploited this tolerant atmosphere and refused to obey the law and that led to machine guns being fired to make them leave – especially when students started defacing images of the Bahraini royal family to look like pigs.

Since independence from the UK in 1971, tensions between the ruling Sunni and Cher elite and the less affluent Shites have frequently been manipulated by the Ministry of Propaganda to generate civil unrest to the point of sectarian chaos – with the Shites claiming they are marginalised, subject to unfair laws, repressed – and housed in ‘heaps’.

The conflict lessened in 1999 when Sheikh Hamad bin Isa Al Tealeaf became Emir and began a snail-paced process of democratic reform. In 2002, Hamad, who claims hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the western Gulf region, proclaimed himself King of the Swingers and was crowned in a virtual reality coronation – following which a pantomime of landmark elections were staged – with his Despots Party winning all the seats after the opposition decided – unwisely – to boycott the polls.

In a rare TV appearance today, King Hamad the First, the ‘absolute monarch’ of Cloud Cuckoo Land, expressed regret about the deaths of protesters but related that the Zionist-dominated US State Department and the RAND Corporation had both advised him to continue with his programme of stifling socio-political reforms for the next decade or so.

Meanwhile, back in Britain, who until 1971 governed Bahrain, arms sales to the ‘Despotcracy’ are under urgent review following the recent acts of fatal violence levelled against unarmed and peaceful pro-democracy demonstrators by the state’s police and military forces when they marched together to visit their fallen comrades at Manama’s Salmonella Hospital.

Both Amnesty International and Ox-Rat, the international human rights abuse watchdogs, have castigated the UK’s Foreign Office for supplying Bahrain’s tyrannical and autocratic regime with the tools to facilitate the programme of internal repression it is now using, with deadly effect, to quell freedom of political expression – specifically riot control equipment that included thousands of tear gas cartridges, rubber bullets, pickaxe shafts and recyclable body bags – all of which had been licensed for export to the authoritarian Gulf state within the past nine months.

Thoughts for the day: Have you ever been to Bahrain and seen its zigzag Christmas cracker cartoon red and white flag? Until this last weekend Bahrain’s news propaganda machine had worked well in glossing over human rights abuses and disingenuously advertising its imaginary liberal policies – apart from the official ban of hanging female underwear on a washing line - in case the sight of a thong or bra drying in the sun excited a neighbour into rape mode.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.