Monday, 21 February 2011

China 'Jackboots' Democracy Protests

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

China’s Orwellian ‘Thought Police’ showed up mob-handed in several major cities across the sprawling Third World dystopian shithole over the weekend after an online call for a "Jasmine Revolution" went out on scores of internet social networking websites – a copycat wordplay on Tunisia’s January-staged civil rebellion of the same name.

The message was first posted on the US-based ‘Wonton Willie’ Chinese-language website, with calls for people to protest and shout "We want more fuckin’ food; We want work and pay; We want housing with roof; We want to be Muslims"- were circulated on Fuckbook and Twatter and numerous Chinese microblog sites by seditious persons the authorities in Beijing believe to be working with the notorious Tibetan anarchists and internet hackers Kun Kare Less and Fuk Yew Tu.

A Beijing-based Ministry of Misery mandarin, Secretary Pak Lunch, told one reporter from the Killjoys Gazette “We have issued arrest warrants for members of the underground hip-hop music group, Falun and the Gongs as they have released another online single taking the piss out of our beloved Chinese People’s Utopia and saying the Politburo are all paranoid old farts.”

Pak Lunch revealed that over a million suspected civil rights activists and demonstrators were arrested in Shanghai, but the call for mass protests was not well answered when military commanders read out a decree signed by the ruling Politburo, stating emphatically “Read This, Tremble, and Obey!” – and threatened a repeat of the 1989 Tiananmen Square option – to simply run everyone down with ZTZ99 battle tanks.

Now officially known as ‘The Unfortunate June Fourth Incident’ – that homicidal occasion is affectionately remembered by the surviving peasants every June 4th anniversary as the Tiananmen Square ‘Massacre’ – which left 3,000 dead and zillions more maimed and injured – and China three steps backwards on the stony path towards Democracy ever being a reality in the Middle Kingdom.

Shanghai Police Chief, Inspector Sum Dum Fuk, told foreign devil gutter press journalists that those arrested during yesterday’s ‘pre-protest’ swoop would be charged with treason and sent without trial to the city’s Happy Face Organ Transplant Prison – or one of the hundreds of new ‘mental institutions’ recently constructed to house deluded whingers who complain about the government and their lot in life.

Police in both Shanghai and Wanking dispersed crowds who had gathered out of slack-jawed gawping curiosity with a mix of flash grenades, tear gas and machine gun fire – with blinded and choking stragglers being dragged away shouting "Why the fuck are you arresting me, I only came out to buy some spring rolls and a flat duck?"

On Saturday evening, Ms Sue Doku, the official spokeswhore for Premier Flip Flop Fong, called for stricter controls on the internet "to guide public opinion" (NLP / Brainwashing) and to "solve prominent problems which might harm or undermine the harmony and stability of the Middle Kingdom’s ‘I-Robot’ brain dead society"- specifically the secure and continued status quo of Beijing’s graft and corruption-ridden Politburo of senile geriatrics – all blighted by long-expired shelf lives and use-by dates.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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