Egypt Protests: Shylocks Shitting Kittens

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Knesset’s Ashkenazi kikesters and die-hard Jabotinskyist ‘Jews of Convenience’ running the outlaw state of Israel are joined by the Rothshite crime syndicate in the City of London – as they watch with trepidation the anti-government protests continuing to swell in Egypt - one of the usurper Zionist nation’s only US stooge-run reluctant confederates in the Arab world.

"Judgement Day" for Pharaoh Hosni ‘Mattoid’ Mubarak was the banner headline jumping from the front page of the Hebrew-language gutter press tabloid ‘Shylocks Gazette’ in Tel Aviv on Tuesday – which should perhaps have been more aptly titled “Shit To Hit Fan Day” as the implications of regime change in Egypt could well prove catastrophic for the Israeli leadership – especially so if the anti-Zionist and pro-Palestinian Pan-Islamist movement, the Muslim Brotherhood, either attain or seize political power in the Majilis Al-Sha’ab and Majilis Al-Shura lower and upper houses of the People’s Assembly / Parliament.

Faced with a popular uprising by zillions of Egyptian peasants from the great unwashed masses of humanity, Pharaoh Mubarak – a man of limited intellect who spent most of his formative years stuck in Cairo traffic jams - has declared he will not stand as a candidate at the next elections – due to be held sometime in 2018 – weather permitting.

However, the crowds gathered in central Cairo’s verdant Toerag Square took time off from snacking on the once-lush lawns and shrubbery to denounce this proclamation as ‘utter crap’ and restate their demand that he steps down immediately – if not sooner – declaring they’d had enough of the Curse of the 4 C’s - Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency – that were fuelling their continued states of oppression and poverty.

“We are very concerned and watching the situation in Egypt anxiously," Sheldon Scattstein, a former Israeli ambassador to the United Nations informed the Holohoax Review.”

“Prime Minister Bobo Nuttyahoo is shitting kittens that the protests and festering discontent could reach critical mass proportions and erupt in a cataclysmic chain reaction of violent revolution – as in Tunisia – then spread outward like a viral pandemic through Jordan and Syria, into Yemen and Saudi Arabia – just as it once did in the post-Soviet vacuum in Afghanistan when the Taliban seized power - and too in Iran following Shah Reza Pahlavi doing a moonlight runner to save his own worthless arse in 1979, and leaving the country to the tender mercies of a repressive regime of radical and fundamental Islam.”

“Now Hezbollah hold the reins of power in Lebanon we will once again be surrounded by anti-Zionist enemies demanding we negotiate a fair peace accord with the goyim Palestinians in line with the 1967 cease fire boundaries.”
“Luckily Pharaoh Mubarak has appointed Omar Suleiman, his secret police chief, as vice-president - a man who has our best interests at heart and if he stands behind Washington’s other muppet stooge, Mohamed ElBaradei, then things might turn out okay for us.”
“This is why we had Vodaphone throw the kill switch and cut off all public access to landlines and cellphone coverage and the internet – so we can isolate the anarchist rabble and they can’t communicate with each other.”

“However, just to make sure it doesn’t all go tits up and end as a total fubar like Tunisia, the Knesset have sanctioned the systematic infiltration of the entire protest movement across Egypt by groups of Mossad’s psychopathic agent provocateurs and assassins working independently of Suleiman’s secret police and state security units - his ‘Amned Daula’ and the ‘Moochabarat’ - to incite violence and undermine the validity of the peaceful protests with a spot of looting, petrol bomb chucking, and other acts of gratuitous violence.

Shovrim Shtika, that most rare and unique an example of the Israeli hierarchy, a moral conscience-driven whistleblower, has leaked documents to Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers human rights watchdog charity, which reveal that three Israeli cargo planes landed at Cairo's Mina International Airport on Tuesday night carrying agents from Mossad’s ‘Mistaaravim’ assassination unit and a score of bully boy thugs belonging to the IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade – all dispatched to do what the Egyptian military has refused to commit to – expedite the indiscriminate slaughter of their own people.

Shtika’s revelations indicate that the Mistaaravim goon squads were there to infiltrate the protesters in order to assassinate the leaders of the opposition and the revolutionary movement - and the Hafganat Koah had brought in equipment for use in suppressing and dispersing large crowds – which included microwave weapons, nerve gas and dial-a-yield tactical nukes.

The US Ambassador to Egypt, Maggie Scabies, informed one reporter from the Neo-Colonial Gazette that “We need to get involved here as this Pan-Islamic thing is getting out of control with peons right across the Muslim North African states and the Middle East starting to question their King’s ‘divine right’ to rule – and are now demanding that our pro-Zionist stooge presidents stand down so they can hold ‘democratic’ elections for a people’s government.”

"We already have Hezbollah in Lebanon, Hamas in Gaza - and the prospect of, Jehovah forbid, an autocratic, fundamentalist, Islamic organisation taking over in Egypt – and Pan-Islamic cohesion - is not something that’s conducive to Western Zionist interests to forward our goal of a Greater Israel."

“We need a muppet like Pharaoh Mubarak or someone equally as corrupt and venal to keep the Sinai Rafah Border Crossing with the Gaza Strip closed and under military watch to maintain the shithole’s concentration camp status for our kissing cousins in Israel as they’ve not had to budgeted anything over the last 30 years for dealing with a strategic threat from Egypt – until now."

Thought for the day: Tunisia’s gone, next is Egypt, followed by a domino succession of other Muslim states currently ruled by repressive totalitarian tyrants across North Africa and the Middle East (read Algeria, Jordan, Syria, Saudi Arabia, and Yemen – then onto the despot-run oppressive regimes of the United Arab Emirates and Muscat Oman) – none of whom have any intentions of ever sharing their monopoly on the national income with their peasant classes.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.