Sunday, 20 February 2011

Monkey-Hangers get Noses Rubbed in Shit

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While Chancellor Georgie Osbourne’s draconic public spending cuts have emasculated local authority budgets across the UK, prompting councils to lay off zillions of workers and slash such vital front line services as the Nosy Neighbourhood Watch ‘Dogshit Patrols’ and the recycling wheelie bin ‘Precision Placement Squads’ - up in the north-east ‘monkey-hanging’ bailiwick of Hartlepool such austerity measures might well have been applied to enforce a two-year pay freeze on council worker’s wages – but not their borough council CEO’s pay packet.

While the graft and corruption blighted shithole of Fartlepool and its ruling Labour council of career kleptocrats are faced with public service spending cuts of 19% - which translated fiscally to £14.2 zillion quid for the 2011 / 2012 period – their piranha-toothed Chief Executive, Paul Wanker, a former gulley-suckers mate, has been awarded a pay increase of 7% - upping his basic annual salary to £168,000 nicker to offset inflation (yep, the very same inflation that’s hitting the rest of the nation’s peasants).

Hmmm, is someone taking the piss – or what? Hartlepool, alike other whingeing Labour-led councils in the North are claiming that Libservative Coalition Government budget cuts mean they have no choice but to lay off scores, if not hundreds, of workers, reduce services for children, the elderly, leisure and libraries – and neglect to expedite hot-patch repairs to the lunar landscape infestations of potholes blighting the borough’s abysmal roads - until a number X35 double decker bus disappears down one.

Hence little wonder the talentless Paul Wanker wears a constant moronic Cheshire cat grin, reaping in a £168 grand salary – plus expenses – juxtaposed with Prime Minister Posh Dave Scameron’s measly £142,000 for running the whole of Broken Britain and trying to kick start and coordinate his Big Society at the same time. Then we have run-of-the-mill House of Conmans MPs on a miserly £65,000 per annum – including Fartlepool’s own MP, Ian Wright, who took over as Parliamentary representative when Peter Scandalson was laterally promoted to the EUSSR HQ in Brussels in 2004.

Now, that’s got to be a smack in the gob for Mr Wright, knowing he’s working his proverbial nuts off in the lofty political heights of Parliament and some prat running his local council is earning twice-plus his salary.
Regardless of MP Wright’s views on the dilemma one thing is for certain within the ranks of the common man - if the unemployed of the UK are expected to survive on £60.50 pence a fucking week (£3,146 per annum) Jobseekers Allowance then this talentless Labour scumbag Wanker can do likewise.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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