Friday, 4 February 2011

Mexico Slams Prison Botox Services

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Mexico’s Department of Injustice officials are investigating how a cosmetic surgeon from Guadalajara’s prestigious ‘Smiley Face Clinic’ was allowed to enter the Santa Sapphie Dildodo maximum security women's prison in Mexico City and administer a series of Botox injections to a certain high-profile inmate named Sandra Avila Beltran.

Doctor Panocha Hedionda reportedly performed various "unauthorised cosmetic procedures" in the prison’s clinic for Senorita Beltran which have included a breast enhancement, navel, nipple and genital piercings and several liposuction sessions to remove fat deposits from her waistline, buttocks and upper thighs caused through a disgusting prison diet of deep fried chapulines (grasshoppers), nachos and tamales.

Senorita Avila Beltran, dubbed the ‘Queen of the Beaners’, and a head honcho of the notorious Sinaloa Cartel, who’s motto is “Vete a la Verga!” - has been in custody since 2007 and was last year cleared of drug trafficking charges and massive money laundering operations when Judge Beltran (no relation) acquitted her, stating the prosecution had not presented sufficient evidence after their key witnesses entered a suicide pact and collectively threw themselves off the Supreme Court roof. However prosecutors have since launched an appeal against the court’s ruling as their bribes to throw the case were never paid.

The United States DEA is also seeking her extradition in connection with drug-trafficking and also on money laundering charges in Florida where she has US$ 15 billion bucks on deposit in a chequing account at Miami’s ‘Snorter’s Trust Bank’ – which Beltran claims is her meagre earnings from renting apartments, selling fajitas and screwing narco’ bosses – plus a one-off lucky sweepstake win.

Since the Department of Injustice inquiry got underway, the prison's director Colonel Pendejo Corruptioni and hospital chief medic Pablo Beltran (no relation), have been accused of accepting bribes to allow administration of beauty treatments to the alleged cocaine trafficker, and subsequently relieved of duties and fired. However both officials have justified their actions under the Breach of Human Rights legislation which Senorita Beltran apparently threw in their faces when she petitioned for the cosmetic enhancements – stating she wanted to look her best for the up-coming court appearances.

Ávila Beltrán, 50, via her access to a massive fortune of hidden wealth, has long been alleged to purchase through bribery an entire smorgasbord of special privileges, allowing her to wear non-regulation designer clothing to keep up appearances behind bars. Such abuses under investigation include a tanning bed and a jacuzzi fitted in her cell and a personal stable of lipstick lesbian bitches at her disposal.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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