Sunday, 13 February 2011

Scameron’s ‘Big Society’ to Downsize

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Chancellor George Osbourne’s ‘Mad Hatter’ emasculation of Britain’s 2010 / 2011 budget, plus the all-encompassing public spending cuts, have now drawn fire from the Tory Party’s Lord High Chief Panjandrum himself – PM Posh Dave Scameron – who this morning informed one reporter from the Penny Pinchers Gazette that his plans to establish a ‘Big Society’ will now have to be drastically downsized due the national piggy bank being on a par with Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard – empty with a large capital ‘E’.

“I mean to say, as fast as the Exchequer’s office is clawing back money originally ear-marked for public services - through the front door of No 11, it’s going out of the back door by the barrow-load to service our debt interest to the IMF and other kikester bank shits.”
“I kid you not, we’re going to go overdrawn on our party Post Office Savings account just buying a card and a pressy for Prince Philip’s 125th birthday in June. I might be forced to order the Tory whips to have a whip-round - or do a spot of ‘quantitative easing’ and stick a hand in my own pocket for a few bob towards that one personally.”

“Seriously, a gang of us from the cabinet were in the pub the other night after our weekly Masonic Lodge secret handshake practice session, and some of the chaps think young Georgie’s going a bit overboard with the public spending cuts – as it’s more at a Freddie Kruger type ‘slashing’ than having Dr Harold Shipman perform a spot of prudent surgical ‘trimming’ – although that’s perhaps not the best of metaphors to describe the current state of the British economy.”

“Then I’ve got my old mate from the Bullingdon Club, London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense, having a total sense of humour failure and breathing brimstone and fire down my sodding neck. Bonkers turned up at my house the other morning on his new bendy-bike, and kicks off by chucking stones at the wind turbine on the roof to wake us all up. The he’s got the cheek to warn ‘me’ – the Prime Minister - in no uncertain terms to get a grip on Georgie before his parsimonious fiscal restraints – especially doing a Texas chain saw massacre on the Met Plod Squad’s budget – causes such devastating cutbacks and reductions in police force numbers that the Yardies take over the lease on New Scotland Yard.”

Obviously Posh Dave is feeling the pressures of leadership (sic) as only yesterday he confided in one correspondent from the Blabberwocky Gazette “It doesn’t really help matters when we have Ed Millipede - the juvenile oick that New Labour have elected as their party leader – shouting abuse across the debating floor of the House of Conmans and accusing ‘moi’ of ‘socio-economic vandalism’.”

“Wonderboy Ed made a very negative reference to my plans to privatise the country’s forests and dogging woods to earn us a few bob extra, by announcing so everyone could hear, that I still think wood grows on trees. I mean, is that what political debate has come down to now – nasty back-biting remarks - and casting aspersions on my limited knowledge of dendrology?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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