Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Kenyan Cuckoo’s Family Go Skiing

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a blatant display of Washington two-faced duplicity, applying the good ole tried and tested political ‘double standards’ tenet, US President Barky O’Barmy this week dictated that Americans needed to tighten their proverbial belts and forgo annual vacations to Disney World or Fraggle Rock - then flew his own family out on the super-polluting Air Force Two, heading for Colorado’s Mount Hypocrisy and a mega-bucks winter sports cum skiing holiday – courtesy of the United States taxpayer.

Political critics have been quick to quote the Kenyan cuckoo’s own parsimonious words back to him following his ‘thrift and frugality’ budget speech last week when he arrogantly pronounced to cash-strapped American citizens “Hey, if yo guys don’t have no more job an’ ya credit cards am all maxed out, den yo and ya family should be tryin’ ta cut back on de spendin’ – so ya all needs ta think about sayin’’fuck it’ ta goin’ out ta dinner at Denny’s and puttin’ off ya vacation ta help out de economy.”

The Hottentot-arsed Michelle O’Barmy and her two daughters are staying at the upscale Hedonists Lodge on the slopes of Mount Hypocrisy, where basic accommodations start at $650 a night for a camp bed in a closet and can range up to more than $2,400 for suites – the type required by the O’Barmy clan to billet their Secret Service security details and other hangers-on – but who really gives a flying fuck or counts the cost when the hapless American public are footing the bill.

Michelle O’Barmy, publicity-hungry and up to her self-promotional tricks as usual, is making a press photo opportunity of every aspect of their stay so far – being snapped yesterday building a snowman - aptly tagged with the racist moniker of Honky - with daughters Malia and Sasha, who were quick to point out to hovering gutter press journalists “We nevva saw any of dis cold white shit when we went on vacation ta visit old Auntie Winnebago in Nairobi last year. It woz all hot as hell an’ dust an’ flies.”

Their trip is yet another slap in the face to common US peasants, which has taken place regardless of previous criticisms over the family's extravagant vacations, that included a taxpayer-funded trip to Spain last summer – which cost $375,000 for her security detail alone - plus two 'there-and-back' full tanks of gas on Air Force One – with forty of her ‘female friends’ (sic) from the St Sapphie Dildodo Church of Latter Day Dykesters ‘Lesbian Choir’.

Arch-Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limpdork, one of the Kenyan’s most outspoken critics commented “What a fucking free-loading klutz this O’Barmy character really is – and we all thought Dubya Bush was a moronic dildo.”
“This guy and his slapper of a missus have really got addicted to the nouveau riche taste – with a tendency toward a conspicuous consumption lifestyle – at our expense. Last Christmas they were over in Hawaii on holiday – same time as the Honolulu hospital birth certificate records office burned down.”
“Hey and now look at the waste - this woman’s in a winter sports resort an’ she’s spending three hours each day down in the solarium, lying under a UV bed, working on her sun tan, for Christ’s sake. I mean, if she gets any darker she’ll end up a two-legged black hole.”

Meanwhile, the geriatric Vice President Billy Joe Bidet and his wife Candida are following Obarmy’s advice and spending their holiday weekend working in a soup kitchen on Sesame Street. Nice one Joe, just watch out ya’ll don’t tread in any of that Big Bird shit.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: If you were born in Kenya, then brought up in Indonesia as a Muslim, would you have the gall to wave around a Hawaiian bus ticket with Birth Certificate scribbled on it in pencil – and claim to be American?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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