Saturday, 21 February 2009

UN’s IPCC all Lack Scientific Qualifications

During the critical Q & A session of last weeks' William Schlesinger (Alarmists) / John Christy (Sceptics) Global Warming’ debate, Schlesinger was asked how many members of the United Nation's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) were actually qualified climate scientists.
Schlesinger, in reply, was hospitalised after suffering an acute stuttering attack and swallowing his own tongue.

It is well known that many, if not all, of its members hold no scientific qualifications whatsoever, but were strategically shunted onto the panel’s roster of hundreds of warm, brain-dead bodies to swell the ranks by JobCentre Plus after they were made redundant in the Woolworths shit-store collapse.

Ratshit Pitchfork, the Indian chairman of the IPCC, whose head bears a strong resemblance to a chimney sweep’s brush with a priest’s tonsure, was actually a train driver in Lucknow before winning his current post in a Ferret Stretcher’s Gazette’s quiz competition.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change is a sham scientific international body tasked to evaluate the risks and effects of climate change caused by human fuck-ups and devise new ways to tax the living shit out of the working classes of useless sheeple for such heinous environmental crimes as exhaling, farting and smoking the occasional bifta.

Guided by their revered God of Climate Change, Al Bore, the IPCC has, to date, suggested such Heath Robinson schemes to assess climate change emissions as fitting flow meters to cow’s arses to measure how much flatulence they’re exuding over a 24 hour period, and how such emissions can be taxed accordingly to the cost of hapless farmers.

The IPCC’s executive ‘Greenhouse Gases’ panel currently consists of a Polish glazier, an Irish conservatory erector and a Portuguese gardener: all of whom were hired for their past experience of working with greenhouses.

Of the 180 IPCC members canvassed by the Slug Tossers Gazette at the recent Global Warming debate, only three could honestly state they had held science-related posts in the past.

Mr. Twatcha N’kunta, IPCC’s head of Ozone Depletion Assessment, previously worked for the Nigerian Weights and Measures in Lagos where he was in charge of boiling the kettle.
Ms. Su Duko was employed by the Peking Crossword Council in the geometric squares division before being appointed as head of CO2 Emission Monitoring at the Arctic Circle.
Vito Incognito, a fifteen-year-old reform school reject with three first-class ASBO’s to his name, was employed as a paperboy delivering copies of the New Scientist, and appointed deputy chief Cloud Counter for the Sub-Saharan regions after answering a page three advertisment in the Hoodie Scrounger’s Weekly News.

Would you like to join the IPCC? Do you hold any scientific qualifications? Do you know what Global Warming is? An NVQ1 in Window Cleaning will get your foot in the door.
Apply now and be sure of a warm place to wait out the next Ice Age when Hell freezes over.

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