Thursday, 19 February 2009

Driving Examiner Suffers ‘Blonde Moment’ Trauma

A Smegmadale-on-Sea driving examiner is suing the Ministry of Transport for damages after claiming he suffered physical injuries and psychological trauma while conducting a driving test with the worst female learner he had ever seen.

Examiner Hector McTwat alleges he suffered a whiplash injury when a driving examination candidate did an emergency handbrake manoeuvre after turning into the town’s one-way High Street, causing oncoming traffic to take evasive actions, with several vehicles, and a disabled person’s Mobility Buddy scooter, plunging into an adjacent canal.

Ginger minga candidate Ms. Virginia Muffrot, a 17-year old mother of three and a trainee steeplejack, failed her test in January after causing traffic mayhem in the town’s centre and injuring several pedestrians on the second floor of a Waterstones bookstore.

Ms. Muffrot told the responding emergency services crew she suffered a very Boris Johnson type ‘blonde moment’ when the driving examiner had told her to turn ‘next right’ and she'd automatically driven into Waterstones bookshop on a reflex impulse.

However, as she further explained to the AA vehicle recovery team who attended the scene of the accident, to get the Mini Cooper out of the Arts and Crafts book section and back down to the ground floor, “When I turned right and drove in through the main entrance, and realised it was a bookshop, I reversed hard left to go out again and ended up in the freight elevator. Next thing the doors shut and up we went. When they opened and I drove out, I collided with a row of bookshelves that weren’t there before.”

“It was about this time that Mr. McTwat suffered his neck injury, when he got out of the car and started screamin’ a stream of nasty expletives at me, and some nice old lady carrying a copy of an ‘Advanced Karate’ unarmed combat manual gave him two rabbit punches and kneed the tosser in the bollocks for his blasphemin' profanity.”

The court heard how Ms. Muffrot was sitting her test during the Monday lunchtime rush hour traffic in Smegmadale.
Mr. McTwat, a driving examiner for 12 years, told the court : "The problems started as we set off and were driving along Stella Artois Avenue. The candidate braked severely with her left foot, which she put down to a painful reaction to her baby, which she was breast-feeding at the time, biting her left nipple.”

McTwat stated "I was thrown forward and then back into the seat, with me clipboard getting jammed in the crease of me arse.”
“I told the candidate to pull over but she gave me the finger and said ‘Let’s get this fuckin' driving test thingie over an’ done with’.”

He related the candidate had mounted the pavement during a reverse parking manoeuvre and a later request to perform a three-point turn became "a nine-point turning exercise".

Ms. Muffrot explained to the presiding Magistrates : “It’s fuckin’ hard to perform a three point turn on the second floor of a Waterstones bookshop an’ I was tryin’ me best not to run over the books or any more shoppers. Personally I blame it on the amphetamines I took to calm me nerves before the driving test.”

Have you suffered psychological trauma while taking a driving test? Have you ever experienced a life-changing ‘blonde moment’ even if you are a natural ‘ranga ginger minga’? Did your driving examiner pass racist remarks or grope you sexually? Do you or any of your close friends or neighbours actually possess a valid driving licence?

Fill out the attached form below and you could win a fish fingers and cauliflower cheese dinner for two, earn extra points on your licence, or get banned from driving for life.

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