APACS Re-Invents the Wheel of Fortune

Consumers in the UK should expect a revolution in the way they pay for things in the near future, according to the Association for Payment Clearing Services (APACS).

With 90% of the country’s recession-stricken workforce now unemployed and their credit cancelled, most households have been paying for essential utility services such as Sky TV by allowing bailiffs to grab anything of value or selling their children to Albanian slavers.

The good old cheque, which originally represented the cast iron reliability of an English ‘Gentleman’s Handshake’, was 350 years old on 16 February and is said to be in irreversible decline as cock-eyed innovation points towards a cashless society.

"Those in their teens only know what a chequebook is when Mummy or Daddy sign one for them to pay their overdrawn credit cards off," said Sandra McQuim of APACS.

The earliest cheque in the UK was thought to have been written 350 years ago, dated 16 February. It was made out for £400, signed by Nicholas van Knackers, made payable to a Mrs. Sapphie Dildodo, a Mayfair Dominatrix, for “services rendered”, and drawn on Messrs Ushur, Swindle & Cheet - scriveners and bankers of the City of London.

The payments industry discussed the possibility of phasing out cheques in the UK by 2018, but concluded that the alternatives had not developed sufficiently.
As well as electronic transfer of funds on the internet, the most likely replacement for the cheque is mobile payments, wherein a phone number acts as a proxy for a bank account number.

So instead of paying by cash, cheque or credit card, a bill for services or goods will be paid by an exchange of text messages. Que? Is somebody taking the piss? Cellphone cloning and online hacking? Trust us, we’re bankers. No thanks. In God we trust : all others - cash!

The world’s puppet governments, all kowtowing to their international banking cartel master’s long-term strategy of a cashless society, are still pushing the primary agenda to have everyone using a single chip-embedded debit / credit card so they are able to monitor each and every commercial monetary transaction on Earth.

Meanwhile, the UK could mirror technology already used in East Asia where the embedded chip now found in a plastic card is placed in an everyday personal item such as the back of your hand or forehead. This is then pushed against a sensor in a shop to pay, and is known as ‘contactless’ technology.

Next, of course will be the simple evolutionary step to scrap the card and chip the entire global population, with all new born being chipped at birth.
Those without the requisite embedded chip card, loaded with personal credits accordingly, will be unable to trade and become outcasts, marked for extinction.
Or so the intended strategy goes. No cash, no cheating the revenue men or the exchequer.

A total Big Brother controlled society. The common human herd of cattle : the sheeple, all towing the nasty party line. The radicals and revolutionaries, anyone the New World Order fascist jobsworths and phoney conceited panjandrums label as undesirable, will simply have their chips turned off.

So, smart strategy all round by our Masters at the top of the Pyramid. Those Illuminated ones. But what came first: the chicken or the egg? Cash or barter? The latter obviously, and they know it too. This is the stumbling block they face in putting their plan into practice.
Their greed-ridden policies of fractional reserve banking and super-usury simply can’t work in a cashless barter trading society.

So, while APACS might well think they’re heralding the re-invention of the wheels of commerce, they better check carefully as the tyres have gone flat before the vehicle has even moved a single linear yard.