Thursday, 5 February 2009

Thatcher Axed by BBC for Racist Slur

Carol Twatcher will no longer work on The One Show after being reported for making an off-air racist remark, the BBC has announced.

Alike her mother, ex-Tory PM Slaggie Twatcher, Carol obviously possesses the diplomatic skills of a Tasmanian tantrum devil suffering PMS, and too lacks the facility to engage brain before opening mouth.

But anyone who suffered sharing the same womb and embryonic fluids for nine months with twin brother ‘Mork the Dork’ Twatcher is bound to be intellectually and emotionally challenged and inadequate.

Vilified by the world press for her thoughtless callous remark, she has been classed as a bombastic cloth-eared clot replica of her dominating mother, Atilla the Hen.
One Third World news report compared her as another chinless dipshit wonder like her slimy villainous twin brother, while several online racial equality websites and blogs carried the harsh banner : ‘Carol Piranha Teeth - implying she’s equipped with a mouthful of fangs that could frighten a man off the joys of fellatio forever.

While backstage, during filming of the BBC One programme, with the Australian Open Tennis Championships on one of the monitors, Ms. Ratcher referred to a well sun-tanned player who had just been knocked out of the men's singles draw, as a "golliwog".

Her spokesman, Jackie Slime, told the media she made the casual remark in a conversation with the show's presenter Adrian Numpty backstage and it was "meant as a joke".
"Old Carol made a bit of a joke, like, about dis darkie tennis player, lookin' like the golliwog on a pot of Robertson’s jam, yer know, wiv ‘is black ‘air stuck out like a chimney sweep’s brush.
Carol's no bleedin' racist cos she loves a bit of black between the bedsheets wiv 'er now an' again : either sex.”

While the BBC initially refused to reveal the identity of who Twatcher had slurred, it soon became established fact that it was the French tennis player, Le Mans-born Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, whose father is of Congolese origin and mother a part-time ferret juggler.

However, Conservative peer Lord Tebbit questioned the BBC's decision.
"It does seem very odd that slimeball Jonathan Ross can be back broadcasting after having made obscene, insulting remarks on the air concerning bonking Manuel’s grand-daughter, and Carol Ratcher calls a spade a spade, even if the bloke was more of a shovel and had spent a bit too long in the tanning lounge, and she gets the tar and feather treatment.”
“I’m cancelling my subscription to the TV Licence Club and Strictly Come Gardening henceforth in protest of the BBC’s double-standards.”

But Ms. Twatcher’s tactless offhand comment has had Regal repercussions, which are still reverberating throughout the Galaxy.

Managers of a gift shop on the Queen's Sandringham Estate in Norfolk have apologised after they were grassed up to the national news media for selling golliwog soft toys.
The “darkie dolls” have now been withdrawn from sale until their heads can be bleached to a more acceptable and politically-correct Aryan complexion.
A royal spokesdork said that Buckingham Palace Toys Ltd. "did not intend to offend anyone, but if it had, well : tough shit".
The £9.99 dark-skinned cuddly dolls had been on sale in the Sandringham shop since the reign of Queen Victoria, when 99% of the British Empire was populated by golliwogs.

Prince Phillip was fortunately unavailable for comment.

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