Saturday, 20 February 2010

Saudi Royal Barbarian Murders Servant

A Saudi Arabian prince has appeared in court charged with murdering one of his servants (the butler) during a stay at a five-star hotel in central London.

Prince Abdulla bin Scumbag al Nastygit, 33, spoke only to declare he was a member of the Saudi Arabian royal family - and therefore above the law - during this morning’s hearing at the City of Westminster Magistrates' Court.

The prince stands accused of killing Mustapha Bandar al Patsy, 96, who was found to be suffering from what police forensic investigators termed ‘an advanced state of deadness’ in a utility cupboard of Prince Nastygit’s deluxe Garrotter’s Suite in the Landmark Hotel at Marylebone on Monday.

An autopsy showed he died of ‘manual compression of the neck’ and head injuries – believed to have possibly been caused by the piano wire wrapped around his neck – and the claw hammer embedded in his skull.

Prince Nastygit was remanded in custody to appear at the Old Bailey on the 28th May – with a bail hearing set for this coming week.

Sir Armitage Shanks QC, counsel for al Nastygit, referred to his client as "the Prince" throughout this morning’s hearing, and later told one reporter from the Scot Free Gazette "We look forward to a trial where I shall expose a prosecution case which has turned a genuine and simple case of ‘anger management failure’ into a foul murder conspiracy.”

The Prince was assisted by a court-appointed interpreter after it was erroneously estimated his English was limited to the phrases “How much?” and “Diplomatic immunity!”

Prince Nastygit had been in London on a four-week sightseeing trip of casinos, night clubs and upper class male brothels - gambling and whoring his way around the Metropolis in the company of off-duty Coldstream Guardsmen and burly Beefeaters.

Unbeknown to the court, in his formative years to becoming a sadistic psychopath, Prince al Nastygit attended Harrow’s prestigious St. Sodom on the Hill Preparatory School for Spoiled Brats before going onto Cambridge to major in Ostentatious Waste; Hedonistic Squandering and Indolence.

The prince is in his 30's and a great nephew of King Abdullah – 182 times removed. He has only been in the City for two weeks and was travelling alone - apart from his murdered butler – and a harem of twenty-five adolescent male Nubian catamites.

The Royal House of Saud is descended from a tribe of nomadic goat buggerers and now has more than 6,000 members – all of whom claim to be Jack Shit’s best mate and have direct 24/7 cellphone access to King Abdullah and his dog.

Under the 1961 Vienna Convention, senior royals and diplomats can escape prosecutions in foreign lands. A suspect's government can waive immunity - however it is understood that the Saudis want an example making of Prince Nastygit, whom their foregn office referred to as a ‘fucking nusiance’.

Further, as a minor royal who doesn’t own any oil wells or even his own oasis, al Nastygit failes to qualify for diplomatic immunity from being tried for first degree murder.

The Met’s CID plods from the elite Numpty Squad - who watch CSI-Live each week on the telly - have been hot to trot on the case, running down motives for the crime and informed one reporter from the Headbanger’s Gazette that the murder weapons have been recovered and now labelled as prosecution evidence.

Records show that Prince Nastygit had purchased from Twatford & Khuntt of Upper Bond St. (By Appointment - Purveyors of Bespoke Flagellation Devices & Bondage Restraints since 1735) several of their finest ‘Peasant Floggers’ and Blackthorn skull-smashing cudgels – a selection of which were employed, in part, to bring about the mortal demise of his butler.

In his statement to police Prince Nastygit related “Mustapha made a right balls up of pressing me new Jimmy Choo Choo shirt with the steam iron so I lost me rag and gave him a good going-over.”
“Listen, I’m a Royal Prince and can strangle who the fuck I like – and if you fuck around with me I’ll have me Uncle Abdullah cut off yer oil supplies!”

Mr. Wotde Fucinelli, the hotel’s general manager, confirmed the death of a guest for Pox News, explaining “The police were informed immediately after we discovered the dead body.”

“However, for the comfort of our other guests – who haven’t already checked out and fled in panic - this is an isolated incident – apart from the two Columbian drug lords who got snuffed in the Penthouse Suite last week – and the Palestinian bloke from Hamas who was found sort of nailed upside down to his bathroom door.”

However, the Metropolitan police investigation to date indicates that this latest homicidal incident in a current world-wide spree of hotel murders is one that the Israeli Mossad are not suspected of being involved with.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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