Sunday, 14 February 2010

Online Slappers n Sluts Game Draws Flack

Young girls aspiring to be fashion queens may discvover more than they bargained for in a new free online game called "Slappers n Sluts" that permits players to role play – as gold-digging hookers.

At Slappers n - touted by its own header as the "online fashion pastime and dress-up game for girlie style icons" - and the place where "Barbie meets Chanel," players create an avatar – or online representative – called the ‘Minx’ that shops til she drops, flirts, compiles a blackmail diary and increases her financial investment portfolio by picking up casual lovers such as married zillionaire Russian oligarchs and oil-rich Arab "clients" at an online cocktail bar for a quick leg-over or a ‘round-the-world’ all-nighter.

But for cybernet regulators and nail-biting parents the problem lies in the fact that girls as young as five that are savvy on computer know-how can immediately trade in online points to "purchase" for their Minx avatar all kinds of kinky fashion gear and body modifications – such as a boob job, genital piercings, Ben Wah balls, erotic lingerie, nipple tassels, butt plugs, personal vibrating pocket rockets, condoms, pessaries, morning after pills – and hi-potency antibiotic Clap-Gone tablets - among other choice items on their way to the top of their own Alpha-Female Dominatrix empire.

The player is invited to choose if her fashionista Minx is single, married, gay, bi, or "a horny MILF nympho’" among other options. She can also choose from a list of attributes, such as beautiful, alcoholic, ‘up-the-duff preggers’ or a ‘crack addict doing rehab’.

Slappers n Sluts had already generated controversy a week ago – before revelations of the game's prostitution aspect hit the gutter press’s front pages – over a feature that allow a player’s Minx avatar to adopt pseudo-orphans from Malawi and other Third World basket case countries where they’ll sell anything for a few quid – or a square meal and a can of soda pop.

Parent groups in Britain, where the game is produced, expressed absolute outrage, with Twat-Watch spokeswoman Fellattia van der Gamm informing Pox News "Having young girls buy virtual condoms or morning after pills will not make them any less promiscuous.”

“As regards child adoption, this game encourages them to have blonde moments and think like Madonna and the other celebrity bubble heads with more money than brains – that they don't need to worry about morals or ethics and can go round buying orphans like they buy Oxfam jewellery or Fairtrade tea towels at Vicarage garden parties."

“This game is sending out all the wrong messages, and the only reason its creators have designed it is to make money – by exploiting children for profit.”
“Really, there’s got to be a Dickensian moral in here somewhere.”

When asked about the appropriateness of encouraging young girls to role play as whoring slags, Slappers n Sluts founder Ghengis McTwatt dodged the question - responding only "The average age of players on our website is 18 years old cos we’re targeting the late teens and early 20’s fashionistas – not a bunch of snotty nosed little girls."
"Anyway, yer can’t register and get onto the website if yer under the age of 11.”

Regardless of whether or not 11-year-olds would be interested in a free pink "online fashion game for girls" where "Barbie humps Coco Chanel," a Daily Shitraker investigation did, however, reveal McTwatt's claims and boasted website access safeguards were more at scent than substance.

To prove a point, the Daily Shitraker journalists registered their City editor’s 5-year-old internet-competent daughter Chlamydia - with nary a single hiccup nor hitch.

After selecting body features like hair length and breast size (with nude cartoon guides to demonstrate the options) the completely naked Minx avatar appeared in the game's bedroom area where Chlamydia proceeded to kit her out in Jimmy Choo Choo black leather fetish gear then skipped off downstairs to the online cocktail lounge – to organised some ‘trade’.

To a mix of shock, surprise and utter dismay Chlamydia ran into the kitchen a couple of hours later delightfully exclaiming “Mummy! Mummy! I’ve just earned £10,000 for having a virtual reality three-hole clusterfuck with Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer and his Russian Mafia mate Igor Polkadot!”

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