Monday, 8 February 2010

Copenhagen AGW Effect Hits Washington

The Al Bore Institute of Carbon Scamology's global warming phenomenon is causing havoc across the good ole US of A with hundreds of thousands of people without power in the capital of Washington DC and neighbouring states after a blizzard blanketed the area with record overnight falls of snow up to five feet in depth that has seen many midgets and wheelchair-bound disabled people – plus a legion of dogs and cats - disappear without a trace.

Electricity was nixed to 300,000 homes as the heavy snow felled trees and cut power lines – with emergency services workers raking in the overtime and struggling to restore supplies while avoiding packs of marauding polar bears heading back north to the Arctic Circle where it’s warmer.

Weather Bureau forecasters in Washington informed the gutter press and media this was the heaviest snowfall to hit the capital since the last time it snowed.

Even President Barky O’Barmy and his entourage of hangers-on fell victim to the "Snowmageddon" - as locals have dubbed this latest aberrant manifestation of man-made global warming.
A huge tree limb snapped and fell onto a vehicle in O’Barmy’s motorcade, unfortunately missing the President’s Suburban SUV by several inches.

The offending tree limb is currently being examined by a Homeland Security forensics squad and a team of lumberjack for signs of evidence Jolly Jihadi terrorists might have sawn partway through the branch to cause the accident and assassinate the Pres’.

As FEMA Chief Billy Bob Ratstamper told The Paranoid Gazette “Hellfire, these Iranian Muslim types will do anything to destroy our Democratic freedoms. The sooner we invade that damn place and get the heathen scum worshipping a real Christian God the better.”

While some suicidal sight-seers ventured out in thigh-deep snow along the National Mall or went cross-country skiing down empty boulevards, others took part in a huge ‘Cap n Trade’ snowball fight on the steps of the Capitol Building, organised via online socializing sites Fuckbook and Twatter – viewed by scores of homeless people who took advantage of the thick snow to build igloos and seek shelter from the sub-zero wind chill factor gusts.

Many joined in the latest global warming scam craze of ‘Follow the Carbon Footprint’ along the National Mall and around the Lincoln Memorial – until they disappeared into a fog of their own CO2 emissions.

US President Barky O’Barmy appeared briefly on the snow-blanketed lawn of the Rose Garden, not wishing to miss out on a photo shoot opportunity – wrapped in one of the portly George Howard Taft’s cast-off racoon coats and telling reporters from Fux News he was freezing his bollocks off and dreamed of being back home in Kenya – sat under his Grandma’s back yard banyan tree - eating mangoes and reading his Koran.

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