Madeira Joins Haiti as HAARP Target

The Portuguese government today issued a point blank refusal to US President Barky O’Barmy’s offer to dispatch military relief teams to disaster-struck Madeira where at least 40 people are known to have died in the torrential Atlantic rainstorms and flash floods that have been sweeping the island since it was targeted last week by the Alaska-based HAARP weather wars weapons system.

Zillions of tonnes of mud, stones, uprooted trees and other assorted shit were brought down the slopes of the island in a series of deadly avalanches, flooding the streets of the regional capital, Funchal, and cutting off water supplies plus all electrical power and telephone services – including mobile phone contact – which sparked an outbreak of anxiety attacks and suicides when people were unable to text their amigos.

Portuguese PM Manuel Fuctifino, who is in Madeira on a Freemason-funded orphan-roundup campaign, told one reporter from the Calamity Gazette that he would do everything to help and a navy ship, with a helicopter and medical teams aboard, had sailed from Lisbon loaded with a cargo of tapas, paella and a million crates of Sagres beer.

Fuctifino continued "We are studying the possibility of declaring a state of emergency and perhaps seeking help from the European Union."

“As our Met’ Office anoraks and beardie boffins claim the Yank’s HAARP array caused the rainstorms – same as they caused the earthquake in Haiti – we definitely don’t want them coming here on a ‘disaster relief’ pretext, then ensconcing themselves at Funchal Airport and declaring Madeira a part of their burgeoning global empire.”

“Next thing we would be smitten with false flag Islamic terrorist attacks and have the Israelis and Mossad here running around snatching our children for their paedophile’ slave markets and kiddie fiddling Satanic blood sacrifices – just the same as Haiti with their IDF medical teams nicking transplant organs from everyone and their dog.”

British holidaymaker Feryl Beryl Muffrot told Pox News that this was her first time to travel abroad and meant to be an adventure holiday.
“Some effin’ adventure it turned out eh – me bleedin’ bloke’s buried under fuck knows how much shit an’ mud – along wiv our beach resort cottage – and all me effin’ clothes an’ Blackberry an’ what have yer.”

“Next effin’ year I’m goin’ ter Butlins again like what we normally do – an’ adventure holidays in exotic foreign places be fucked. Ah well, at least it wasn’t an effin’ earthquake.”