Monday, 22 February 2010

Bully Boy Broon Terrorises Downing St. Staff

Gordon Brown ‘does not’ bully staff – or so goes the gospel according to Lord Peter Scandalson – Broon’s self-appointed apologist - amid damning reports the PM was warned about his barbaric behaviour towards human resources (living people) by Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the head of the Civil Service - and also Jack McTwatt – the top dog in charge of ACAS.

Scandalson, the PM’s ‘Vermin in Ermine’ business secretary, euphemistically informed the Compurgator’s Gazette that Mr Brown was "very demanding of people" - to cover up his own shortcomings and mistakes but "doesn't really bully them – well, apart from the odd Chinese burn or a poke in the eye with a sharp pencil.”

Regardless of Poofter Pete’s excuses the Daily Shitraker reports Sir Irwin was so alarmed by reports of the impromptu blood-lettings and torture sessions in the Downing Street dungeons he had been forced to investigate the horror stories circulating Whitehall of ministerial aides and secretaries forced to commit ritual seppuku for such trivial mistakes as serving Gordon’s mid-morning porridge oats at the wrong temperature – or without salt; neglecting to iron a crease in his best Sunday kilt - or forgetting to translate outgoing faxes to the SNP into Gaelic.

Conversely Downing Street dismissed the stories as "malicious allegations" put around by Posh Dave Cameron and his Tory cronies – further refuting a report that Sir Irwin had arrived with the Parliamentary Ombudsman and discovered Armitage Shanks, the hapless Cabinet Minister for Whitewash, down in Number 10’s cellars with his pelvis nailed to a bench and thumbscrews attached as punishment for sanctioning a group of campaigning doctors to view Lord Mutton’s buried report on the Dr David Kelly murder coverup after Tony Bliar and Lord Rothshite had imposed a 70 year ban on publication to conceal the Mossad assassins involvement.

Further claims of staff being intimidated and suffering acts of gratuitous violence at the hands of the demented Prime Munster are made in extracts from a new book by The Scandalmonger Gazette’s chief political commentator Wentworth Snitch.
The tabloid daily’s extracts from the book detail incidents where PM Broon grabbed staff by the lapels, shouted “See you Jimmy!” then kicked them in the goolies or dished out a good twatting with his baseball bat.

Apart from Lord Scandalson backing up Number 10’s current incumbent homicidal maniac, Broon was also supported by the mental midget Commons leader Harriet Ratbag and Home Secretary Arthur Lickspittle – both of whom informed reporters “Gordon might be a cruel and vicious bastard but at least he’s fair – he’s cruel and viscious with everyone.”

The investigation by Sir Irwin Bogbrush was apparently sparked following the failed attempted coup against Broon’s leadership by two former cabinet ministers in January who had called him a Trotskyite rigorist tyrant for throwing one of his typical morning tantrums and sticking the nut on the postman - shouting “Yer thievin’ sassenach twat – where’s me effin’ Tesco loyalty card vouchers?”

The current whereabouts of the two erring ex-cabinet ministers – missing since their coup d’etat failed - are still being ascertained by Scotland Yard detectives who continue to drag the Thames for bodies.

Regardless of official denials, several people in Gordon’s office have contacted the National Bullying Helpline since he took over the PM’s chair from Tony Bliar.
“We have evidence that 30% of Downing Street staffers are now undergoing psychiatric counselling and therapy after working with Gordon,” NBH executive Chlamydia Muffitch candidly informed the Tomcat Strangler’s Gazette.

BBC political correspondent Nick Scrunt claimed it was understood one of the individuals who had lodged a complaint with the NBH - the Cabinet Office’s Bumboy-in-Chief, Jarvis Chuckabutty - had to take time off because of stress after Gordon used him as a punchbag.

To boot, one damning leaked internal e-mail sent from the PM’s office computer states that any member of staff who filed a complaint about bullying with the NBH or ACAS was going to get their fingers broken.

Further, it was mentioned that if anybody got ideas about whistleblowing, grassing up, or snitching about Gordon’s violent outbursts and daily tantrums to the tabloid gutter press then Lord Scandalson would arrange for a couple of career paedo’s from New Labour’s Grampian Ferryhill office – such as celebrity Scottish kiddie fiddler Aberdeen Angus MacAskill - to call round with a Social Care Order and snatch their children.

A January survey of 31,472,648 British adults regarding the next General Election - widely expected to be held on 6 May - suggested 1% of people would vote Conservative for a bit of a laugh, -0.0% would vote Labour to really piss Gordon off, 2% might vote Lib Dem cos they felt sorry for Nick Clogg, but with a consensus of 95% maintaining they would vote for the Raving Loony Party then at least the public would get what they asked for.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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