Church Declares God & Science Compatible

The Church of England's ruling council has passed a motion calling on Church leaders to emphasise the Alice in Wonderland compatibility of belief in both God and Science – even though the two doctrines - Theology and Philosophical Reality - remain at conflict and beyond reconciliation.

However the motion urges the Church to combat what it foresees as the coming final dialectic battle between atheists and believers – a fiery conflict kick started by the heretical likes of Copernicus and Galileo centuries ago – then re-ignited and stoked by that cursed anti-Christ, Charles Darwin, in the late 1850’s – and currently perpetuated by Illuminati agents to usher in the New World Order’s global Nulifidian / Luciferic culture.

The motion at the General Synod in London was proposed by the Rev. Irwin Bogbrush who believes that ‘atheist scum’ are forcing a line of media-driven propaganda down the gullible throats of the common sheeple that comprise the human herd - to choose between the merits of either axiomatic faith and belief in God - or the logic of science in a bid to eliminate the pervading aura of religion within the public sphere – plus put their ubiquitous Men in Black out of a job – and thus hamstring their perennial cash cow – the offertory plate.

Reverend Bogbrush told a reporter from the Apostasy Gazette his aim was to refute the crude caricature of faith as being blind and irrational propagated by some atheist scientists – and to demonstrate that God and Science are indivisible and part of the Oneness and the Whole.

“Nature in its entirety – along with gravity, light and time - are all manifestations of God's love. So too is God’s gift of innovation so that mankind can improve his lot on Earth – apparent in all divine creations wrought through the hand of man – such as I-pods, cellphones, skateboards, webcams, microwave insta-meals, Wii’s, personal vibrators and DVD players.”

Bogbrush told the Synod he rejected the notion that "science can resolve all questions capable of being answered", arguing that certain questions defied scientific explanation. “Why did the chicken cross the road? Which came first – the chicken or the egg? Who put the bomb in the bobba-lobba-do-dong?”

“It’s the same argument with that scientific bugaboo - dark matter - which we can't see and is propelled by Cosmic forces we don't understand – and atheist scientists claim that the concepts of religion are based on faith alone."
"Science can only explain how something was created – whereas religious philosophy can explain why."

Conversely certain opponents of the Reverend Bogbrush’s views maintain religion was created by man as a medium of control – and God as an all-seeing bogeyman to enforce compliance through threats of eternal damnation and the most dubious prospect of resurrection and life ever after - in Heaven.

For the record the atheist heretic Professor Morton Killjoy, chairman of the Iconoclasts Society, maintains that Dark Matter is not the child of Hades nor does it represent Satan.
Further to these opinions, Prof. Killjoy believes God and religious are not compatible bedmates with Common Sense, Logic and Reality.

“Personally I no longer believe in the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Sandman – or ugly old Trolls – apart from the one I married.”
Thus we are forced to ask - is ontological proof of God’s existence acceptable to anyone with two brain cells to rub together?”
“The entire argument reminds me of that dyslexial Irish agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night pondering the existence of Dog – a huge joke.”