Israeli War Criminals Get Slap on Wrist

The outlaw state of Israel – usually obsessed with kosher sausages, money-grubbing and foreskins – and portraying itself as the eternal victim - today made a most belated and apathetic attempt to demonstrate to the world in general that it is not a Nazi-style apartheid Fascist State which considers itself above the Civilized Laws of Polite Society - and justifies its Unqualified Arrogance by virtue of the fact their numpty-dumpty holy book – the Torah – explicitly states THEY – the Jews - are Yahweh’s (Jehova / God) Chosen People – and that Canaan / the Holy Land / the Middle East - from Nile to Euphrates (and beyond) is theirs to – OWN & CONTROL - by Divine Right – forever and ever - amen.

Israeli military chief Sheldon Scumberger told a reporter from the Atrocity Gazette he had reprimanded two top army officers for authorising an artillery attack which accidentally hit and demolished a United Nations compound in Gaza during the Christmas and New Year festive bombardments of the besieged Palestinian enclave.

In the ‘Operation Genocide’ attack, which occurred on the 15th January 2009, the compound was ‘accidentally’ set ablaze by white phosphorus shells and napalm / thermate cocktails fired by the Israeli Defence Force’s ‘21st Shock n Awe Attack Brigade’ – resulting in 180 UN personnel being cooked to a crispy barbequed texture by exploding Willy-Pete shells.

The admission is contained in the Israeli response to the UN Justice Richard Gallstone’s ‘Gaza Xmas Holocaust Report’, which concluded both Israel and Hamas had committed war crimes: the IDF for their blood-thirsty barbaric slaughter of Palestinan civilians – and Hamas for defending themselves by lobbing bricks at the Zionist invaders.

Even though the use of white phosphorous is banned by the Geneva Convention’s Articles of War under the constraints of the ‘Very Naughty’ and ‘Simply Not Cricket’ sections, the Israeli army denies breaking the rules of engagement - citing – with their customary brazen hubris – that the blame lies with UK armaments manufacturer BAE Systems for carelessly mislabelling the artillery ordnance.

During the 22-day conflict last year, embarrassing media pictures showed incendiary shells raining down on the Gaza-based UN compound.
The Israeli response to Justice Gallstone’s ‘Gaza Xmas Holocaust Report’ regarding the UN incident states: "Several artillery shells were accidentally fired in violation of the rules of engagement prohibiting use of such explosive ordnance where the media might witness it and take incriminating photos."

IDF Artillery Brigade Colonel Seymour Zayin Porkstein told a Fux News reporter “Our boys thought they were loading regular common or garden HE shrapnel shells – the all-new DIME kiddie-shredding type – and definitely not Willy-Pete.”

“Anyways, we loose a couple of barrages and they’re coming down way off target and air-bursting. Honestly, we were aiming at downtown Gaza – around the schools and orphanages area – between the mosque and the hospital – and nowhere near the UN compound.”

Both officers responsible for the UN compound clusterfuck were charged with "gross carelessness" for not checking the artillery shell labels to ensure they were attacking defenceless civilians with Geneva Convention-approved high explosive shrapnel shells and not white phosphorous.

The officers were named in Israeli media reports as the Gaza Tisaref B’ Azazel Division Gruppenfuhrer - Mamzer ben Pasty - and Kara Brigade Kommandant - Yuval Ibn Zamel Harah.

Israeli Defence Force spokesman Levi Rosenscum told the Lech Lehizdayen Gazette that the reprimand would be duly logged in the IDF’s ‘Naughty Book’ and could well affect the value of their annual performance bonus.

He later confided to Pox News that the submission to the UN was not intended to respond in detail to the allegations and incidents outlined in Gallstone’s mortifying ‘Gaza Xmas Holocaust Report’ but to demonstrate to the world that the Israeli justice system was "reliable" and "independent" – at least when dealing with the affairs of Ashkenazi Jews.

Rosenscum further admitted the military was - at the UN's behest - investigating 150 allegations of criminal behaviour by IDF troops during the Gaza attacks and it appeared there might just be sufficient evidence in a couple of cases to pass those claims to the military police for criminal investigations.

Prosecution proceedings have so far been opened in one case, concerning the alleged theft of a credit card from a Palestinian family by an Israeli soldier who illegally used the card to buy a goat on E-Bay.

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry mammals - or Palestinians were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning : This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel.