Royal Parasites Go ‘Jubilee Global’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The ginger-mingin royal cuckoo, Prince Harry Hewitt, is in Belize for his first overseas solo trip on behalf of his Granny as part of her Diamond Jubilee celebration’s ‘Waving the Imperial Flag’ campaign.

Harry was greeted by Prime Minister Dr Wormhole Chuckabutty and a guard of honour when he arrived in Belize City then travelled on to the capital of Bedpan to meet the governor-general Sir Dinsdale Ffitch-Gargoyle and his wife Chlamydia.
Here the Prince got a taste of Belize’s unique ‘welcoming’ culture when he had his genitalia milked dry as the guest of honour at a street party on a new 'royal' toll road which he will formally name HM Queen Elizabeth II Boulevard.

The planned seven-day tour will also include Harry making visits to landfill sites, nightclubs and whore bars in the Bahamas and Jamaica before moving on to sample the sexy tanned shemale delights of Brazil’s Copa Cabana and the notorious La Puta flavela red light district where he will be also representing the overseas interests of Gay Pride, Flamboyant Fudgers, and Cross-Dressing Paedos International.

Meanwhile other mooching members of the Royal Family will visit a veritable legion of Commonwealth countries to round up the usual annual tributes – plus drop in on some fifteen other countries where the Queen holds Chief Parasite status.

Prince Andrew will be calling in to put the hard word on the rulers of several Third World shitholes around the Mid-East regarding the ‘substance’ of their 60th Diamond Jubilee gifts (and doubtless engaging in his favourite sport of group sex with the underage white slave harem totty while in Saudi Arabia) – while his self-promoting piranha-toothed daughters, Eugenie and Beatrice, have been designated to ‘stay out of the fucking way’ and do the Ugly Sisters tour - visiting the Aleutian Islands in search of Cinderella.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge – aka Prince Willy and Kate Middleclass are scheduled to do a circuit of the Far East and the Indian Ocean and Pacific islands as soon as Wills thaws out following his funky Falklands posting which he described as “the pits – the arsehole of the world with nothing to shag but sheep – just like RAF Valley on Anglesey”.
The royal couple have been tasked with rounding up wheelbarrow loads of Jubilee gifts and homage tributes comprised of gooks ears, coco-de-mer, sea shells, Cassowary feathers, wild boar biltong and shrunken heads.

Chazzer, the Prince of Wales - whose ‘taxi door’ ears have been specially tattooed with the Union Jack for the occasion - will be heading off to Lesotho in Southern Africa along with his chain-smoking troll of a wife Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole – to advertise the royal presence and Diamond Jubilee awareness at the St Sodoms Mission Church for Latter Day Catamites – and collect several sacks of conflict diamonds for his Mum.

While Anne, the horse-faced Princess Royal has been deemed – alike her mongrel Greek father - far too ill-mannered, insouciant and grotesque to dispatch on any kind of Jubilee-promotion stint, rumours that the grossly obese Fergie, aka the money-grubbing Duchess of Pork, will be let loose on another of her influence-peddling excursions on the Queen’s behalf are being vehemently denied by Bucks Palace staff.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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