Sunday, 11 March 2012

Lib-Dum Clegg Admits “We’re Tories Now”

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Librarian-Dummercrat leader Nick Clogg has informed party radicals and other assorted Bolshie activists they must move on in the wake of adverse public reaction and debates concerning more scent than substance pre-election promises on university tuition fees and the NHS – and too the fate of disability employment subsidies - being broken to suit the capricious whims of their dominant Tory coalition partners and hence wiping out what meagre stock of credibility the Lib-Dum Party ever possessed.

Clogg went into dummy-spitting mode during his pep talk at a rally in Gateshead on Friday evening and admonished party members for whingeing, stating that they should stop lamenting and start shouting Lib-Dum achievements from the rooftops – but failed to clarify for his mystified audience what those cryptic achievements actually were.

“Really, I’m surrounded by moaning gits going on about us prostituting ourselves simply to give the Tories a leg-up into Downing Street. Let’s be honest, if it wasn’t for this fucked-up coalition opportunity we’d have as much chance of getting a foot inside Number 10’s door as shoving ice cream up a meerkat’s arse with a steamed chilli hotdog.”
“Just get over it – no more resorting to 20/20 hindsight and pointing fingers - we’re Tories now – and they’ve got a damn sight more money than we have.”

"We've made some difficult decisions, not all of them popular – like having to say “Yes, Dave” – “No Dave” and “Three bags full, Dave” - but we made all of them with only one test in mind - were they what the government’s Rothshite bankster bosses wanted – and will it help promote EUSSR Federalisation and get the UK into joining the actual eurozone so we can borrow more money off the IMF.”

“This government is now fairer, freer and greener due the Lib-Dums being part of it – so no more looking back – and think of the future we’re building for our children – even if they won’t be able to afford a University education or get free healthcare any more."
"So let's tear off that rear view mirror and look straight ahead. Let's get on with the job that we all came into politics to do and expedite the New World Order agenda.”

Conversely, yet another leaked letter from the Lib-Dum’s loose-lipped Business Secretary Vince Cobble printed in this week’s Apostates Gazette claims the Libservative Coalition government's economic policies to solve Broken Britain’s crippling ‘Debtocracy’ curse lacked vision due George Osborne being in charge of the Treasury and were more fucked up than a soup sandwich.

Cobble further criticised the controversial Health and Social Care Bill's proposals which include giving GPs control of much of the NHS budget and opening up the health service to greater competition from the private and voluntary sector.
Cobble warned of back-door privatisation which he speculated could well lead to a major fubar alike the post-British Rail snafu with that sector of the transport industry placed squarely in the grasping paws of ‘profit-over-service’ companies such as Ripoff Rail, Rattle-Track, First Crapita, Sardine Mainline and Notwork Trains that still depend on government subsidies yet have the audacity to charge mega-bucks in fares for not-fit-for-purpose services.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: