Libservatives Cut Jobs 4 Disabled Funding

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Career civil servants tasked with reducing Whitehall bills have cost Broken Britain’s taxpayers nine times more than the so-called ‘efficiency savings’ they made.
In a report just leaked by House of Conmans whistleblowers to the government abuse monitor charity Twat-Watch, Whitehall have managed to squander £1.4 billion quid on elaborate programmes launched by New Labour to share back-office functions – which the National Audit Office have discovered only saved the taxpayer’s purse a total of £159:28p.

Hence to recoup these losses the Parliamentary Committee for Wasting Time & Money, in conjunction with the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next and the Wallace & Gromit Institute for Advanced Guesswork have decided to withdraw the multi-million-pound subsidy from the state-owned disability company Remploy – tossing 2,000 special needs workers onto the human resources ‘Jobcentre’ scrapheap.

The move to close 36 of Remploy's 54 factories nation-wide immediately, if not sooner, has been harshly condemned by unions as a display of utter barbarism and another classic example of a government screwing society’s most vulnerable yet again.

Remploy was established in 1945 following the Second World War under the statutes of the Disabled Persons Employment Act to provide manufacturing jobs in a sheltered environment for the legions of soldiers crippled by a moronic government strategy of pursuing political stupidity and a policy of appeasement.

Frank McGobb, director of the Gimps First Union, spoke to one reporter from the Daily Shitraker, claiming “This Libservative Coalition’s sunk to a new low. Here we are facing the worst economic crisis since the last economic crisis and these people have as much chance of finding a new job as Scameron does of winning the next election – a cat in Hell’s chance.”

Workers at one of the Remploy factories located on Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill industrial landfill site broke down in tears after receiving their ‘surprise’ redundancy final pay packets with a DCM notice inside (DCM – Don’t Come Monday).

Quadriplegic crane driver Wilf Turnbuckle told one press hack from the Bad News Gazette “Wot the fuck we supposed ter do now – live off the effin’ disability allowance – that won’t pay fer me booze and drug habits, never mind the regular Saturday night stop-off at the Happy Endin’ massage salon fer a quick rub an’ tug.”

Conversely, going into damage control mode in an attempt to salvage some semblance of credibility, the ginger-mingin Disabled Persons Minister and Tory MP for Bums Rush, Maria Miller, insisted the annual £68 million government subsidy to Remploy could be better spent on other programmes to help the disabled into work (without any mention of what these might be) - and disingenuously claimed the move had the support of disabled groups – apart from those being made redundant at Remploy.

Miller, a self-promoting slapper and great believer in ‘sympathy’ being perfectly situated in the English Dictionary – right between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’ – gave a stellar example of her concerns for the very people she has been tasked with caring for – specifically the UK’s disabled - on 11th May last year.
Thousands of severely disabled people marched, hobbled, limped, crawled, were carried, or rolled along in wheelchairs to protest outside her office at Westminster against the deficit-reduction plans implemented by the coalition government that affected them directly.
True to form, Miller refused to meet with them –instead sending out some hapless jobsworth dogsbody to inform the protesters that if they didn’t piss off sharpish she’d call the Met’s Plod Squad and have the lot kettled – or order security to set the Rottweillers on them.

New Labour’s Shadow Minister for the Disabled, Anne ‘Porridge Wog’ McGuire, opined to media hacks that “2,000 people losing their livelihood via e-mail or text message or a DCM slip in their pay packet simply isn’t on. Nor is this fatally-flawed closure programme designed to put all these marginalised people out of a job - which has been based on a singular report compiled by one individual, Liz Sayce, the CEO of Disability Rights UK - and quite frankly is not acceptable."
“Then we have her arguing that segregated employment is no longer appropriate in the 21st Century – what a biased and discriminatory statement to defend her position and this awful report which many regard as a treatise in treachery aimed at disabled people.”

Anyone got a barf bag handy? In 2008 Ms Sayce was awarded an OBE as recognition for her ‘dis-services’ to disabled people.

Thought for the day: When in opposition, both the Employment Minister Chris Graything, the Tory MP for Epsom Salts, and Librarian-Dummercrat leader Mick Clogg, the MP for Sods Law, jointly swore a pledge on the body of a dead heron to keep the Remploy factories open.
So yet again we have a scandalous display of government officials being delinquent in their public duty – for what might have been true on the election campaign trail proves to be more at scent than substance when the pondscum politicos get into office.

How do you know when a politician’s lying? Easy – his lips move.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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