Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Indian Call Centres Speak with Forked Tongue

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a banner headline report in the red top gutter press Daily Shitraker tabloid, dodgy Indian call centres are flogging off the credit card details and medical records of Broken Britain’s citizens for just 2 pence per shot – a figure on par with their hourly pay rate.

Data belonging to 500,000 hapless Brit’s - all customers of major High Street banks - has been put up for grabs via online websites to marketing firms and any number of budding criminal types.

Burgeoning files of confidential personal data belonging to hundreds of thousands of UK citizens, which includes credit card information, along with medical and financial records, are being flogged off to enterprising, risk-averse criminals who prefer the insular safety of a remote pc internet connection when committing their felonious trade rather than holding up banks and 7/11 Stop n Rob’s with firearms.

Two likely Dacoit-types from New Delhi, claiming to be IT workers at one of the city’s major call centres, met undercover reporters from the Scandalmongers Gazette and boasted of having 45 different sets of personal information on an excess of 500,000 Brits – which they offered to sell for two pence per item – totalling a nice handy sum of £10,000 quid for the lot.

The personal information which relates to customers at major financial institutions, including the usurious Royal Bank of Scumland, HSBC and NatWest, is a virtual ready-dug goldmine by which fraudsters could siphon off thousands of pounds from already-overdrawn bank and credit card accounts within nano-seconds.

Mr Wormhole Jaffacake, who claims to be an IT consultant with Honest Achmed’s Call Centre and Steam Laundry in Delhi, met the undercover Scandalmongers Gazette press hacks in a hotel room carrying a laptop chocker full of client’s personal data.
Jaffacake and his accomplice, a certain Jamjar Chuckabutty, confided to the sting reporters that all the data was less than 12 hours old and contained full debit and credit card details to enable canny operators to get into the owner’s accounts and bleed their ISA’s drier than a camel’s crotch before the cyber alarm bells started ringing.

According to the original Daily Shitraker report, other information being hawked by unscrupulous workers attempting to boost their pathetic salaries and non-existent performance bonuses so they can afford a dream vacation at Butlins Holiday Camp in Bombay, includes sensitive, perhaps blackmail-worthy, details of mortgages, loans, insurance, child porno websites frequented, mobile phone contracts, Sky Television subscriptions, and online sex toy purchases.

Call centres are a £3.2 zillion nicker industry in the sub-continent, with 75% of the Indian population employed by them for a pittance in salary just to get the chance to practice their muddled English and find out which soccer team their respective caller supports.

Scores of unpatriotic British companies, motivated by profit alone and unconcerned about the UK’s chaotic unemployment situation, have outsourced services to Indian call centres - with public backlash over the use of foreign workers prompting many to withdraw.

The Spanish bank Santander, which gobbled up the failed mortgage giant Abbey National in a fire sale, pulled the rug on Indian call centres, claiming it was impossible to do business there when white collar crime was an acceptable part of the Third World shithole’s established culture.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: