Wednesday, 1 December 2010

99% of Brit’s Say ‘Stuff EUSSR’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A veritable tidal deluge of public support, surpassing the destructive bores, waves and depths of Noah’s Biblical flood, yesterday burst the dams and levees of conditioned social restraint to rally behind the Daily Shitraker’s crusade to liberate our sceptred isle’s once-green and pleasant (now toll-road strewn and economic refugee-infested) land from the parasitic stranglehold of the EUSSR in Brussels.

A street poll conducted on the first day of the campaign revealed an astonishing 99 per cent of people – even the thick couch spud twats who think with either their stomachs or genitalia (or a combination of both) and believe moronic TV programmes such as Bell-Enders and Big Brother qualify as ‘entertainment’ - agreed that Britain should quit the EUSSR and go back to what we practiced throughout history – with much industry and success – simply ‘do our own thing’ - and once again flourish as an international trading nation freed of the economic shackles and asinine regulations – and rampant corruption - of the European Union of Soviet Socialist Repression.

In an indication of the strength of public feeling on the issue that has become a festering sore thumb since Posh Dave Scameron’s Libservative coalition government slithered its way into power and announced a scorched earth policy of welfare benefit cuts, the poll saw the biggest ever response to the Daily Shitraker phone survey, with an excess of 20 million incoming calls swamping the switchboards.

Right across the length and breadth of Britain the term ‘United Kingdom’ came to mean something (for the first fucking time in history) as a full English host comprising gobby Cockneys, aggie Mancunians, thick-as-pigshit Yorkshire tykes, bull-shitting Brummies and scally Geordies – to name but a sampling of shires - joined hands with Jocks in Frocks, sheep-shagging Taffy’s and spud-munching Ulster Paddies to make clear their deep frustration with Brussels meddling and their smouldering anger that Britain has not been given a referendum on our EUSSR membership for a generation – since 1973 (EEC membership) to November 1993 when the ‘Treason of Maastricht’ came into force.
And this despite the disingenuous promises made by several Governments, and most recently that of Tory panjandrum Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron viz the sovereignty-obliterating Treason of Lisbon.

Disputing the key argument of Euro-enthusiasts that quitting the EUSSR would wreck the UK’s trade prospects, Oxford economist Sir Irwin Bogbrush dispelled the disingenuous myth that Britain would suffer gross economic disability outside the EUSSR fold, and contrarily opined to gutter press hacks that independence from Brussels’ meddling would boost the country’s import and export markets – as per the affluent and debt-free examples of Lichtenstein, Norway, Switzerland and Iceland- plus Greenland (very sensible 1985 EEC opt-out due destruction of the Common Fisheries Policy)) – which is nowhere near Europe anyway.

Meanwhile, in a display of disregard and insufferable arrogance towards the mutinous British peasant classes, Herman von Rumpy, the lacklustre President of the European Council, informed the media that “Take no notice of this Daily Shitraker campaign to lobby for the UK to relinquish EUSSR membership – they have signed up and can’t get out of it.”
The Belgian, von Rumpy, looking alike some refugee from Fraggle Rock and regarded to be even more boring than watching paint dry, then attended a typical EUSSR ego-massaging ceremony of self-congratulation, where he was awarded the Collar of Merit by disgraced former European Commission head and career dog wanker Jacques Santer – who chose to inappropriately comment when presenting the award and about to fix it around Rumpy’s neck – “This should be a halo I am awarding.”

Hmmm, isn’t there an adage that quotes a halo is often perceived as a noose that hasn’t yet slipped into place?

The view from the upper echelons of British society, according to Tory peer Lord Knobhead of Old Scrotum “What we need now is for the Daily Shitraker’s campaign to expand and expose the rotten and corrupt cabal of shylocks controlling the Nazi-designed EUSSR – and reveal what it truly represents – the hydra-headed beast of the Book of Revelations - a strategic deception operation - masquerading as a means of institutionalising cooperation between the European states while destroying our sovereign autonomy.”

And at the other end of the scale, the proletariat view from refreshment stall franchise operative Bazzer McScrote of ‘Biffo’s Barf Burger Chew n Spew, situated on the promenade at Smegmadale-on-Sea. “People are too effin’ wrapped up in the bleedin’ X Factor or Strictly Come Bonking ter consider the ramifications of joining the EUSSR. Yer can’t have a ciggie in the pub anymore – Brussels regulations. Now they sez we gotta use these poxy energy-saving light bulbs wot yer can’t see shit wiv. Our best mate woz that long-nose French cunt De Gaulle - he blocked the UK joinin’ the EUSSR fer years.”
“That’s wot we need now – some twat ter run the country that’s got a pair of bollocks – not like this Posh Dave Scameron pillock wot does owt Brussels tells him – Sit! Beg! Roll over! Play dead!”
“We need some fucker who’ll dump the crooked banksters and their legalised gambling dens losin’ other people’s money – same as Iceland did – an’ let the lot go under – an’ bail-out’s with taxpayer’s money be fucked.”

So while 99% of the British public want out of the EUSSR and an end to Brussels’ interference with our insular way of life, the remaining 1% consists of the Libservative government cabinet and their associate stooges and gophers – they that would perpetuate our European community serfdom forever.

Hence forget the bullshit about Britain never being able to survive if we divest ourselves of EUSSR membership. While the states of Europe were engaging in centuries of internecine conflicts with a corrupt Vatican and each other – the United Kingdom of Great Britain led the industrial Revolution and, through her superior naval craft and maritime abilities, established a global empire on which the sun never set.

Believe it – the British working man needs Brussels and the EUSSR like he needs another arsehole. Amen.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Venetian kikester Black Nobility’s EUSSR - and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Vote for Nigel and his Party next time, don't fuck around like you all did at the last election.