Wednesday, 8 December 2010

WickedLeaks set to Release Real X-Files

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

WickedLeaks head honcho, the 39-year old Julian Blancmange, currently rumoured to be taking advanced ‘hide n seek’ lessons from Lord Lucan and Martin Bormann via the Fugitives-R-Us website, today swore on a stack of Vulgate Bibles to convert to Catholicism in exchange for a ‘Frequent Fly-by-Night’ membership card to access Pope Benny XVI’s re-inaugurated Vatican ‘Ratlines Incognito’ international escape network.

Blancmange’s lawyer, Ms Sue Fleecem QC, of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, informed one reporter from the Whistleblowers Gazette “These people want to watch how far they go, threatening my client with criminal extra-judicial means to shut him up – and concocting this rape case against him in Sweden too.”

"Democratic societies need a strong media and WickedLeaks is part of that media. The media’s purpose is to act as part of a classical Montenesque regulatory system – applying a set of checks and balances to keep corporate-controlled governments honest – especially when the entire global media’s now owned or dominated by crooked Shylocks and pro-Zionists like Rupert Mudrock and his Spew News Corporation.”

“So, think hard on this one, and don't shoot the messenger for revealing uncomfortable truths that the incompetent morons staffing the United States diplomatic and intelligence services have allowed to be copied and pilfered.”
“Julian’s decision to publish top secret documents on the WickedLeaks website is revenge against the abusive criminal elements running the United States government.”

Ms Fleecem continued: “Believe me, he’s holding some trump playing cards which will really up-end a few cans of diplomatic and political worms concerning US and Western intelligence community criminal doings – plus copies of the real X-Files – which will grass up the western governments who signed off on a deal with the alien Reptoids from the Draco star system to supply a steady stream of ‘tasty’ human abductees for their transplant organ donor cloning experiments – and galactic barbeques.

Conversely, former Governor of Arkansas (home to the Clinton crime syndicate and of Mena Mafia notoriety) and Pox News blabberwocky Mike Fuckabee labelled Blancmange as a “goldarn Aussie terrorist” and called for whoever leaked the documents to be executed with extreme prejudice.

This prompted homicidal wannabe’s Tommy Flanagan (Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s personal Rasputin) - and the ex-Alaskan Governor Sarah ‘Teapot’ Palin to assume a vigilante stand and ignore the ethics of moral society and the statutes of established law in publicly demanding that Julian Blancmange - a person ‘suspected’ of being responsible for publishing the whistle-blower supplied ‘Cablegate’ documents that doubtless fall under the heading of ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’- should be summarily assassinated by the US-based Slackwater XE’s stable of mercenary psychopaths.

According to Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity, WickedLeaks tech’s went a few steps further than Gary McKinnon, the Scottish systems administrator and hacker who penetrated the CIA’s Area 51 and NASA websites searching for their ‘little green men’ files.

Blancmange and his cohorts reportedly accessed and downloaded the locations of several underground alien bases around the world – including the main UFO Kwik-Fit repair centre in the UK – in deep caverns under the ‘Pestco Extra’ Greedy Grocer supermarket branch, just off the A406 North Circular at Neasden.

One further WickedLeaks item that will doubtless prove embarrassing to the Nth Degree is an original black and white uncut video copy of the faked Apollo 11 lunar landing, filmed entirely on location – in an aircraft hanger at Nevada’s Area 51 – which show 'The Eagle has Landed’ director Sheldon Scumbaum walking onto the dusty talcum powder and crematorium ash film set and berating astronaut Neil Armstrong for making a botch up of garbling his singular “One small step for man - one giant leap for mankind" lines for the fourth take running.

During an online Q & A session on the Daily Shitraker’s website, Mr Blancmange stated that “The threats against our lives are a matter of public record, however, we have taken the appropriate precautions to the degree that we are able when dealing with a criminal superpower such as the ultra-Zionist controlled United States.”

In a clear warning to the fore-mentioned authorities, Blancmange said the leaked American diplomatic cables, along with significant material from the US and other kikester-controlled countries, had been copied to more than 100,000 people in code. “If something happens to us the key parts will be released automatically and mirrored off scores of other websites – and then the shit will really hit the fandango.”

Do you believe the 1947 Roswell, New Mexico UFO crash was one of the Annunaki’s commuter tour bendy-saucers that hit a cactus and lost control? Was Henry Kissinger actually cloned from a Draco system reptilian mother with spliced tadpole genes – hence why he’s such an ugly cunt and known as the frog who dreams of being a toad? That George Dubya Bush was a no-brainer Texan ‘Gray’ clone experiment to prove that any moron can do the job?

How about the rumour that shape-shifting Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown is a failed genetically-modified organism? That Prince Chazzer of Wales has ostrich DNA? That Patrick Moore, the gimp-eyed BBC astronomer was actually from Planet Nibiru and an Annunaki spy? Was Michael Jackson really a ‘Gray’ experiment that went totally tits up and right off the colour chart? Will a staged scam alien UFO landing take place during the 2012 Olympics in London and be declared the 'Second Coming’?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win an exclusive ‘Dinner for Two’ with Julian Blancmange at Harry’s Chippy in Snitchford, just off the M25.

Thought for the day: Anyone know the true identity of the Julian Blancmange impersonator, hired from Spitting-Images-R-Us, who surrendered to the UK’s Metropolitan Plod Squad yesterday and appeared in court to answer an extradition warrant issued by Swedish authorities, charging him with engaging in consensual three hole sex without a condom – just as any good Roman Catholic chappie has been brought up to do?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Oh, and by the way, fuck the Rothshite crime syndicate Zionists and their New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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