Saturday, 11 December 2010

US Slappers Go Middleton Mad

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A couple of years back it was the wife of the Kenyan President of the United States of Israel, the Hottentot-arsed Michelle O’Barmy, who shit-for-brains slappers around America were aping (sic) in ‘monkey see - monkey do’ fashion. ‘Michelle’ style Hawaiian grass skirts; Michelle ‘Brillo Pad’ merkins; Michelle ‘bone-through-the-nose’ body jewellery; Michelle ‘piranha dentures’; Michelle flesh-coloured evening gowns (dark brown?) – and not forgetting the Michelle- authored ‘Handshakes for Muslim Dummies’.

Now designer-mad women across the US have set their focus on Prince William’s regular shag, Kate Middleclass, as their latest style icon to emulate in senseless parrot fashion, denying themselves all essence of innovative self-expression and individuality.

Ever since her engagement to Willy last month, the US media have gone into the usual obsessive copycat frenzy - snooping, ferret-like, into the wardrobe and personal grooming accoutrements of a British peasant lass who next April will assume the Cinderella role – much as her swain’s dearly departed mother, Diana, did in 1981 when she got hitched to Willy’s father - the bat-eared Prince Chazzer.

In the Big Bad Apple, where upper-end designer fashion adherence is a debt-generating addiction more so than an option, her personal taste in peephole bras, nipple rings, crotchless silk knickers, black leather basques, suspenders, fishnet stockings and thigh length boots with six inch stiletto heels - anything that provides that Kate look’ – are sought after by female (and transvestite) wannabe’s unhappy with their own identity - whose manic frustrations create a belief that emulating Katie to the Nth degree will make them beautiful, elegant, sophisticated - and sexy enough to turn Prince Charming’s eyes their way.

So will these Katie Middleclass inspired trends last - or are they just another typical passing fancy of classless Americans ahead of the big day in April?
‘Slags’ – the top-end fashion magazine - editor Fellattia Titwank, believes Katie could have an enduring impact in the US – right up to the wedding and beyond.
“Her hair style and sapphire engagement ring besides, just wait and see if she follows in Diana’s footsteps and starts protesting about anti-personnel mines and clusterfuck bombs and Third World poverty – then she really will become an icon and role model – until she pisses off the powers that be and ends up dead in a Paris traffic tunnel - murdered by Royal decree.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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