Monday, 13 December 2010

Student Rebellion Defines Political Sentiment

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

London’s Metropolitan Plod Squad is to launch Operation Piggy Malone following the ‘kettling’ incidence involving Prince Chazzer and his wife Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole, last week when their Rolls-Royce, en route to the Palladium Bingo Hall in Soho, was surrounded by crowds of anarchists types and radical students – all kitted out in Doc Martens boots and protesting the government’s tuition fees hike - who then proceeded to kick the living shit out of the blocked luxury vehicle.

According to one hot-off-the-presses release posted on WickedLeaks website this morning, Scotland Yard is set to launch a major criminal investigation, known only by it’s top-secret cryptonym of “Operation Piggy Malone” into all the tuition fee protests held from the 10th November, when disaffected students had the audacity to storm - and wholly demolish - the Tory headquarters at Millbank Tower - up to last Thursday's demonstration in Parliament Square and Regent Street – where the royal ‘kettling’ took place.

The Commissioner of the Met’s incompetent bully boy Plod Squad, Sir Paul Stephenson, was dragged before Prince Chazzer in chains following the incident and personally kissed the Royal Arse as way of apology.
Likewise Tory Home Secretary Theresa Maybe confirmed she was ready to resign and join the Raving Looney Party rather than fall on her own sword over the involvement of the Royals in the tuition fees protests – but did admit to one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that Gorgonzilla might have been poked with a sharp stick through one of the car windows as the royal couple made their way to the Palladium Bingo Hall for the Duchess’s regular Thursday night gambling session.

Secretary Maybe added and clarified that "I'm not sure about the term 'poked with a sharp stick' – however the Duchess did complain there was some ghastly contact made with an unwashed peasant type who attacked the car and attempted to urinate through her open window. Regardless, Her Highness will undergo tests for HIV, Weil’s disease and impetigo this week to ensure she didn’t catch anything nasty.”

Charlie Scrote, son of Pink Fuckpigs guitarist Dave Scrote, was arrested on Sunday following the protests on suspicion of violent disorder and criminal damage. Scrote was caught on CCTV damaging the Union Jack flag on London's Cenotaph by wiping his spotty white bum on it.
Scrote later apologised for climbing on the Cenotaph during the protests and being a total knobhead and all-round dog wanker.

A total of 175,000 people were arrested during the four demonstrations, including 34 Catholic nuns who were on their way to Mass and got caught up in the demo’and became the centrepiece attraction of the ‘Holy Kettling’.

Police have posted a list of eighteen photographs of their ‘Most Wanted - Dead or Alive’ suspects involved with rioting - and scaring the shit out of the future King of England and his harpy of a spouse - and are urging people who can identify any of the suspects whose pictures it has released to contact Ox-Rat, the official Libservative Snitch & Grassers ‘Model Citizen’ call centre on 020 8358 0100 - or the Met Plod Squad’s ‘Anarchy-Stoppers’ on 0800 555111.

The Met’s DCS Genghis McTwatt informed gutter press hacks that "The vast majority of the people we’re after collarin’ are suspected of committin’ serious offences of violent disorder and criminal damage."
“Personally I’m fed up of hearin’ all this juvenile student bullshit about ‘Magna-Fuckin’-Carta’ an’ what have yer an’ free bleedin’ speech an’ the effin’ rights of protest and expression when yer got a bunch of socialist Bolshies pissin’ on the Prince of Wales’ Rolls-Royce."

So, bravo to the Posh Dave Scameron and his lying buddy Lib-Dum leader Mick Clogg – after a mere few months in Downing Street they’ve achieved the impossible – with the wholesale disruption of British society topping their Dystopian agenda.

However, Cabbage Patch Dave and his gang of Parliamentary oicks are overlooking the fact that the students of today are not the pinko faggot Cambridge scum of yesteryear - the fashionable 1930’s –and well onward - traitors of Burgess and MacClean and Philby & Co’s ilk – that treasonable toxic cabal of arty-farty shirt-lifters – with their Bolshevik nom de guerre’s and cryptonyms. Today Britain’s student class represent a post-ideological force that might just garner enough momentum to change something – hopefully.
Hmmm, to misquote the ‘oak tree’ maxim: from little Anarchists, great Revolutions grow!

Many students, just of A-Level age and not yet entering Uni’ were in London last Thursday to register their personal objections to what they were to face in increased tuition fees just a couple of years down the road, and walking in peaceful accord along the Embankment, were summarily blocked by the Met’s Plod Squad PCSO’s and CEO’s on hire from Renta-Thug and informed that they were being ‘kettled’ in a sterile area for daring to protest their inalienable right to an affordable higher / university education.

Wayne Bogbrush, the 16-year old spokesman for the ‘Nihilism-Now’ student group, elicited bouts of raucous laughter from his contemporaries and news hack bystanders with his bullhorn speech from the centre of the kettled crowd while stood on a nun’s shoulders: “We demand the right to an affordable and state-subsidised higher education so we don’t end up with zero academic achievements or laurels – and stifled, under-developed IQ’s and intellects – wherein the only job we’re qualified for is a career wearing a blue uniform and stab vest – and evolving our powers of aggression – and so moronic we’re unable to discriminate between a carton of orange juice and a hand gun - and go around intimidating students – dragging cerebal palsy victims out of their wheelchairs - or murdering alcoholic news vendors – or Brazilian electricians who look a bit 'Muslim-ish'.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Thought for the day: Prince Chazzer now considers the Roller Phantom VI is inappropriate for trips around London and intends to trade it in for one of Universal Engineering’s up-armoured ‘Ranger Special Operations Vehicles’ rigged with ‘Crowd-Blaster’ missiles, a flame-thrower and a top mounted 30mm heavy machine gun - now the budget-stricken Ministry of Defence have cancelled their order of the units to re-equip British troops in Afghanistan.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: