Friday, 29 January 2010

Who Needs Job Qualifications?

The latest and greatest politically correct bullshit legislation to emerge from the EUSSR’s Brussels’ ‘Ministry for Stupid Regulations’ Fuhrerbunker is directing employers not to post adverts for ‘Reliable Workers’ as it discriminates against the ‘Unreliable’.

Breaches of this stellar piece of bureaucratic idiocy carry heavy fines and a possible three month custodial sentence due such being legally interpreted as prejudicial - and marginalising individuals and groups that lack quality higher educations and the necessary training to achieve skills that would secure them employment in society’s upper echelon professions.

Recruitment agency manager Fellattia van der Gobble was especially careful to ensure her advert for hospital workers did not offend on grounds of race, religion, age, disability or sexual orientation. However, she hadn't reckoned on discriminating against a wholly different section of the community - the completely useless.

Ms. van der Gobble, director of Deadwood Recruitment was stunned when a branch of the Jobcentre Plus in Twatford, Norfolk, said she could not include the phrase 'reliable and hard working' in her advert because it could be construed not only as offensive but also discriminatory against ‘unreliable’ and ‘lazy’ people.

Fellatti told a reporter from the Idle Gits Weekly “During my 35 years in job recruitment I’ve heard anything so ridiculous. If the matter wasn't so serious I would laugh my bollocks off – if I had a pair.”

So, God help the medical, legal, teaching and other professions if this absurd nonsense takes hold and offenders are dragged before the Equality and Human Rights Inquisition for breaches or infringements.

Such a ‘politically correct’ regulation thus equates to mean the police and security companies can no longer advertise for ‘Honest’ job applicants as it will obviously discriminate against dishonest applicants - and the criminal classes in general.

NHS adverts for cardiac surgeons can no longer detail the fact the applicant should preferably have prior medical training and an extensive knowledge of the blood circulatory system and human anatomy.

Further, adverts for posts in the teaching profession must abstain from the phrase ‘Must like children’ as it will be construed as prejudicial to those misanthropic members of society who detest adolescents - and conversely present an open invitation to attract raving paedophiles.

Job descriptions in an advert such as that for a laboratory biochemist can not longer post the criterion "Must have at least a First Degree in Biological Sciences including Biochemistry" lest it offends and discriminates against those who fail the criterion as they couldn’t be arsed ever going to school and only ever achieved an NVQ 1 in delivering gratis newspapers and Chew n Spew restaurant fliers.

Conversely 16-year old Ghengis McTwat, an unemployed nose-picker from Smegmadale-on-Sea, posted a related comment on the Jobcentre’s website.

”Bravo and well done Jobcentre Plus!”
It's about time someone stood up for the lazy. Being a very lazy person myself I've found we are a very discriminated section of society.”
“I've been unfairly sacked on many occasions for doing nothing at work and employers never seem to take my laziness into consideration.”

“I believe we should now go to the next stage. Employers should provide beds for lazy staff, as I've found some companies only supply chairs that are totally unsuitable for dossing and after a night playing on 'X Box’ – and I need 4 or 5 hours catch-up sleep when I get to work purely for health and safety reasons.”

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