Polacks Bleed UK Pension System Dry

Zillions of unemployed scrounging twats, Balkan war criminals and penniless pikey types from across the EUSSR are flocking to Britain as ‘National Insurance tourists’ - claiming access to the generous benefits and pensions – candidly proclaiming “Some bloke in Brussels sent us.”

Dodgy Polish-owned 100 zloty companies with UK offices are encouraging unemployed sponging gits who live in Poland to pay a one-day visit to London for an appointment at a JobCentre Plus to obtain a National Insurance number and open a UK bank account.

The lure is £240-odd per month Jobseekers Allowance plus both Child and Working Tax Credit top-ups – and the promise of a British basic pension of £412.75 compared with just 130 grotty zloty a month in Poland.

An investigation by the Daily Shitraker discovered how UK-based representatives of unscrupulous Polish firms regularly collect unemployed workers at British airports. These agents have already set up appointments at a nearby JobCentre and bank for their ‘clients’ who pay a modest completion fee once their benefits start to roll in.

According to the numpty dumpty terms of the Treaty of Lisbon legislation – which no fucker or their dog ever bothered to read – foreign welfare benefit spongers from the EUSSR can legitimately claim to be unemployed and claim their Jobseekers Allowance in the UK – then sign on every fortnight by telephone or computer from anywhere in the world.

Conversely Martin Bogbrush, chief executive at the TaxPayers’ Alliance, told Fux News “This is the latest example of benefit shopping where the UK is targeted as we have a lax and flawed system of Biblical proportions which the pinstripe and bowler career clots in Shitehall and Downing Street never thought to fix before jumping head first into this administrative nightmare they call the European Union.”

Career criminal turned legit’ businessman cum welfare benefit advisor Mr. Leech Kunttoff, whose firm in the Polish city of Zcumbagsky urges unemployed Poles and other Baltic state nationals to “Sponge off the English Queen”, and insists his business is completely legal under the new EUSSR laws.

Out of work Lithuanian pop singers Titsup Trollenberg and Olga Kostalott, previously with the now-defunct girlie band Gladys Gorgon & the Grottmeisters - whose single hit – ‘Do You Wanna Gdansk’ - reached number one in the Estonian top ten - had resorted to flogging their gollies around Hyde Park’s Whingers’ Corner to earn a few bob.

Olga and Titsup told a journalist from the Moochers Gazette “Leech Kunttoff got us an appointment with the Jobcentre Plus place in Skidrow Hamlets and they gave us National Insurance numbers and pay us lots of British pounds into our bank accounts every two weeks.”

“Now we don’t have to rent out our pussies to cheapskate Arab tourists who demand a discount for anal and suck and swallow dogging sessions or clusterfucks – then pay you in dodgy dinars, dhirams and riyals.”