Wednesday, 20 January 2010

The Political Correcting of Peppa Pig

The iconic animated children’s television character Peppa Pig will be seen wearing a seatbelt in future episodes after parents raised concerns over young children mimicking her lifestyle catch phrase of “Fuck Tomorrow - Live for the Moment!” declared when she appeared as the celebrity guest on Top Gear – racing against The Stig sans safety harness - with kiddies thereafter refusing to wear seat belts while in the family car – arrogantly proclaiming “If Peppa does it – so can we!”

Fellattia Gammer, CEO of the UK-based cartoon and animation company Pork Bellies, told a reporter from the Social Engineering Gazette “We’ve taken careful note of the criticisms from viewers and parent groups and have informed our political rebel scriptwriters to start modifying Peppa’s behaviour to suit the EUSSR’s neo-Stalinist social engineering policies - or else they're for the boot.”

“From now on Peppa will be wearing sensible shoes – and her seat belt. No more lewd lesbian scenes – and she definitely won’t be engaging in casual sex without ensuring her male partners wear condoms – especially for any dogging and cluster fuck segments.”

“No more suck n swallow games behind the farmyard sties – or shooting up on H with used syringe needles either. We’re even considering have her go teetotal and give up the Meths Breezers and swigging pints of Marsden's Premium Mayhem Juice – maybe wear nicotine patches and stop smoking too. Really set the kids a good example and provide a virtuous role model to follow.”

“But please remember that Peppa was originally intended for a more mature audience – just like the Scumsons and South Pork - but got hijacked by the kiddie programme schedulers for political and commercial reasons.”
“So next season Peppa won’t be shoplifting anymore or doing internet sex-for-sale webcam sessions – or flogging her golly around low life wine bars – then getting backstreet abortions. No more bouncing cheques, ATM scams or credit card frauds either.”

Sir Irwin Bogbrush, a spokesman for the TV regulatory body Ofcom, told Fux News “Peppa was going off the rails as far as we were concerned – especially so during the Sneezy Pig swine flu pandemic last autumn.”
"The government and Big Pharma were so relying on Peppa’s producers to contribute to their vaccination campaign with a spot of positive piggy propaganda to convince the kiddies to get their Grunt-Gone vaccine shots.”

“But oh no, Peppa’s anarchist creators have her whistling past the graveyard at midnight – giving Big Pharma corporations and the NHS the finger - telling them to stick their toxic vaccines up their proverbial arses and proclaiming to all and sundry that the World Health Organisation’s global pandemic announcement is an absolute scaremongering scam to decimate the world’s useless eating peasant population and get the survivors micro-chipped and dosed up with contaminated injectable prophylaxes.”

“They even had one scene where Peppa and her farmyard mates corner the WHO doctor – a bi cross-eyed duck named Professor Quack – and use him as a dartboard by hurling dozens of Oinkyitis swine flu vaccine syringes at the poor sod – then kick the living shit out of him.”

“Over Christmas the show’s producers had the gall to stick Peppa Pig back on her soap box rostrum with one of those Obama-style teleprompters - pontificating about the Copenhagen summit and how AGW doesn’t stand for Anthropogenic Global Warming but Al Gore’s Wealth."

“The she starts harping on about the fact global warming’s all propaganda and simply another big social engineering scam to carbon tax the peasants to extinction and impose further controls – and then she points to the damning burden of proof – a meter-plus of snow and sub-zero temperatures across the entire UK and northern Europe.”

“I mean, this animated pig character has a larger viewer following and fan club than Big Brother, the X-Factor and American Idol combined. The brain-dead sheeple around Europe believe Peppa’s the new Messiah – and yesterday she used her TV spot to claim the Chilcot Inquiry into the Iraq War is more scent than substance – and Tony Bliar told Alastair Scambell to have David Kelly murdered before he let any more cats out of the bag and started on the truth about 9/11.”

“So Christ knows what she’s going to come out with in tomorrow’s broadcast – probably blame the Haiti earthquake on the Ham Shanks and their HAARP array.”

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