Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Big Al Qaeda Snuffs CIA Spooks

The suicide bomber who killed seven CIA agents during their gym workout at Forward Operating Base Chapman – the main Predator drone launch site in Khost, Afghanistan - was a double agent working for Big Al Qaeda - according to rumours posted on Twitter and the Taliban Dan Gang’s Facebook page.

Incident reports have named the assassin as Dr. Ghaban Ibn Himar, a 96-year-old al-Qaeda sympathiser from Zarqa in Jordan who was arrested by Jordanian intelligence a year ago for tethering his camel in a disabled only parking zone.

Ibn Himar was then reportedly recruited by the Jordanians and CIA - who thought they had successfully turned him into the next Jason Bourne.
He was equipped with a Dick Tracy watch, Stealth self-destruct underwear and exploding shoes - then given a specific mission to locate the true whereabouts of Osama bin Laden and blow up his kidney dialysis machine.

A secondary backup mission is thought to have been tracking down al-Qaeda's number two Anti-Christ - Heyman al-Shitorbust.

So far the CIA has declined to comment on media reports that they screwed up royally – instead blaming this ‘Mother of all Clusterfucks’ on the fact Ibn Himar had purposely lied on his CIA employment application form and tendered false information in his CV.

The sneak suicide bombing at Forward Operating Base Chapman was the worst attack against CIA intelligence officials since the last one took place – which - according to CIA protocols - is still a ‘secret’.

General Billy Bob Ratstamper, Chief of Allied Operations in Afghanistan, told a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette that while they strive to train and evolve Muslims into turncoat traitors working against their own people, Ghaban Ibn Himar was not quite what he would classify as true US patriot material – regardless of promises of a US passport and resettlement in California – plus a personal welcome handshake from Governor Arnie Squashanigger.

In keeping with the CIA’s top secret lockdown on all communications, General Ratstamper’s report for the Neocon think tank, the Centre for a New American Security, has now found itself embarrassingly pasted across various internet websites – including Al Jazeera’s online news channel.

The report cites Ratstamper’s remark that the US military and intelligence agencies were "clueless" due to their collective lack of useful intelligence about Afghanistan – and most other places they tend to invade at their Zionist Master’s insistence without pause for thought as to the eventual consequences for illegally attacking and occupying someone else’s sovereign nation on the strength of false flag attack conjured evidence - solely to steal their natural resources.

Gen. Ratstamper maintains that US intelligence in Afghanistan is still "unable to answer fundamental questions about the environment in which US and Allied Shock n Awe forces operate and the ture nature of the duplicitous peasants they are trying to protect and convert to appreciate the everlasting joys of the Christian faith – and Democracy.”

Ratstamper considered this approach diametrically opposed to the reality of the situation - particularly so when troops are heading home daily in body bags – snuffed while guarding fields of glutinous, putrid opium poppies.

According to Western intelligence officials quoted in the reports, Ghaban Ibn Himar and a Syrian triple agent Kess Emakk Sharmuta, contacted the CIA handlers last week to arrange a meeting at Forward Operating Base Chapman in Khost, where Ibn Himar promised to relay urgent information about the planned New Year piss up which Big Al Qaeda, Osama bin Laden and Taliban Dan would attend personally to welcome in 2010.

Once inside the base’s gymnasium, the report claims, Ibn Himar detonated a high explosive Marmite bomb sewn into his Stealth jockey shorts - killing seven CIA employees and his dodgy Afghan handler Mustapha Zeenat – a former greeter at Iraq’s Abu Ghraib prison.

Critical questions have been raised about how the attacker could have managed to pass through security – which is manned 24/7 by Israeli military contractor ICTS – a Mossad front corporation who some conspiracy theorists might recall also allowed the illusionary 9/11 Muslim terrorists to board their various fatal flights in Boston nine years ago.

The self-same ICTS vetted brain-dead shoe-bomber Richard Reid, then wished him ‘a happy and safe flight’ when he boarded a plane and achieved his fifteen minutes of fame – plus passed our latest terrorist patsy – Nigerian Umar Muttonleg - through all checkpoints at Holland’s Schiphol Airport without a passport on Christmas Day on his flight to Detroit.

To quote Shakespeare – “Something stinks in Denmark – and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks.”

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