UK Terrorist Threat Raised to 'Arrrhhhggg!'

The UK terror threat level is being raised from "Substantial" to "Scary" according to a report just leaked by whistleblowers at MI6’s top secret False Flag Op’s and Propaganda Department.

A banner headline article in this morning’s ‘Cry Wolf Gazette’ claims this could well be the worst terror threat to menace the UK since the last terror threat.

That occurred over the Christmas holidays and prompted airport security authorities to raise a ‘Paranoia 1’ alert and impose the forced removal of departing passengers’ jockey shorts, knickers and skimpy thongs after a brainwashed Nigerian – Muhammad bin Patsy - posing as an al Qaeda suicide martyr - attempted to blow up an in-flight commercial aircraft by setting fire to his Jimmy Choo Choo designer skiddies – but fortunately only succeeded in singeing his own pubes.

Sir Irwin Bogbrush, New Labour’s recently-appointed Minister for Jingoism & Scaremongering, informed Fux News that al Qaeda leaders - now relocated to the Yemen to take advantage of the cheaper cave rent rates - had kitted out hundreds of suicide volunteers with high explosive ‘Crotch Bombs’ to wreak devastation on the infidel West – and their own genitalia – in a supreme New Year effort to destabilize our hated Democracy and liberal freedoms.

Sheldon Weaselberg, chief of the Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre (JTAC) - a Rothshite-funded 24/7 agency based in Tel Aviv – has spent the past few days analysing the imminent threat of Islamic extremist terrorist attacks on British targets.

The JTAC has now concluded there’s been enough attention paid to the victims of the HAARP-engineered earthquake that accidentally struck Haiti instead of Iran a couple of weeks ago – an unfortunate incident which has by now provided a plethora of media coverage to facilitate public distraction from the real-time covert issues threatening their very existences.

Weaselberg advised Downing Street it’s now time to get the UK’s useless-eating peasants focused back on nasty Islamic terrorist threats and constantly looking over their shoulders before they become engrossed by the imminent General Election fiasco - and the banks go tits up in yet another Busby Berkeley spectacular insolvency extravaganza.

Minister Bogbrush told the gutter press the new alert level means another 7/7/2005 false flag terrorist attack by manky Mossad agents is considered "highly likely" to provide the Labour Party with some modicum of election credibility in being able to efficiently deal with a national crisis and not make a total fuck of things as they did in the past by snuffing every foreign-looking electrician in the Greater London area.

Bogbrush continued "We still face a real and serious threat to the UK from international terrorists, so I urge the public to remain vigilant and keep reporting suspicious goings-on about dodgy Muslim neighbours to their local council’s Snoop n Snitch Officers or simply dial 999 and get through to the Border Agency’s Xenophobia Division.”

The UK currently maintains five levels of terror threat, ranging from ‘Sweet FA’ - meaning any further attacks are unlikely as the Met’s SO19 Armed Response Squad has just snuffed all suspicious-looking Islamic terrorists disguised as Brazilians - to ‘Shit Scared’ - when a nuclear Sneezy Pig Flu bomb attack is expected in the next couple of hours.

The current ‘Scary’ level is next to the top of the scale and means all good Christian God-fearing public citizens and patriots should stay well clear of evil infidel mosques, caves, the London Underground - and especially the No 30 Stagecoach ‘Hackney Wick to Marble Arch’ bus route – particularly when the bus takes an unprecedented detour via Tavistock Square.