Monday, 18 January 2010

Sino-Poofters Pageant Gets Jackbooted

A Chinese gay pageant - claimed to be the first to be organised in the country since the reign of the 6th Century Sudoku Dynasty faggot Emperor Fuk Yew Tu - was disbanded by riot police from Beijing’s Morality Squad – with coordinators nailed to the pavement and fences around Tiananmen Square or treated to that old Tibetan favourite - gift wrapped in barbed wire.

The initial municipal permit granted to hold the Mr Gay China event was thought to mark a new openness and acceptance of the burgeoning 200 million strong community of raving poofters in China.
Homosexuality was illegal in the Middle Kingdom until 1997, and officials described it as a mental illness until 2001 – after which it has been labelled as simply ‘a dirty and disgusting habit’.

The pageant's organiser, Flip Flop Fong - a former pavement licker - informed one reporter from the Shirtlifters Gazette they had been hoping the event would mark a positive step towards greater awareness of gay people in China - awareness and acceptance – not awareness and repression.
“Those thugs from the Morality Squad were so rough and butch – I was shit scared and peed my pants - then broke a fingernail climbing over the barriers to escape the tanks. Really, what a mess – nylons laddered to hell and mascara all down my cheeks.”

One of the pageant judges, Yu Wan Wank, told Pox News "It is our Politburo of senile old farts who deny us freedom of personal expression – they say that not only does the Christian Bible but also our own Taoist sages and religious writings class homosexuality as an abomination.”

“But the Maoists are now following what the Kuomintang’s General Cash Mi Chek did when he napalmed the outlawed Peking Poofs Parade in 1947 – then did the same to the Shanghai Sodomites Extravaganza the next year - taking offence and calling us all sexual deviants just because we prefer shagging men’s arses versus women’s pussy. It is very vulgar to say we prefer the smell of shit to the smell of fish.”

The Mr Gay China male contestants were competing at the trendy Tiananmen Square ‘Bum Bonkers’ basement nightclub to qualify for a place in the ranks to represent China at the Worldwide Mr Gay pageant next month in Norway, when a barrage of flash grenades and CS gas canisters were lobbed through the air vents and doors.

A great majority of the 150,000 people who turned up to join in the pageant, many from the Falun Gong Faggots Club, either fell victim to the hails of assault rifle fire and grenade shrapnel or were squashed under battle tanks tracks as the pageant turned into a frantic scramble to escape persecution – with survivors trucked out and interred at the Beijing’s Happy Organ Donor Transplant Prison.

Are you a gay person living in China? Do you face difficulties because of your sexuality? Do you flaunt your gayness – or are you still a mixed-up closet case that can’t pee in a public urinal if someone’s stood next to you – or do you sneak into the girlie toilets and have a sit down slash?

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